


Just One Yesterday (Sequel)

by sasstrick



Series: Save Me From The Troubles Of My Own Skin [2]
Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-09
Updated: 2015-02-15
Packaged: 2018-01-11 18:37:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 27,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1176501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sasstrick/pseuds/sasstrick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brindley and Patrick have finally found their happiness. It’s been over a month since their tour ended and while they’re happy, the distance is straining. She and J found a place in Chicago while Fall Out Boy tours over seas, but soon Brindley finds things aren’t so safe where she is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. With Him

_Just landed. See you in a few minutes!_ I read the text over and over and try to control my breathing. It’s been over a month since I’ve seen him. Since I’ve touched him. 

We spent a few weeks together after the tour, but then Fall Out Boy started getting ready for their European tour and J and I decided to get back to writing seriously. 

We’ve settled into Chicago for the time being. There’s a studio in the city that Bill, our producer, owns. We’re not recording much. Just writing a lot and recording some demos. 

I want to play a few things for Patrick tonight, but then again I don’t, considering we’ve been apart so long, I don’t want to waste a moment.

I smile to myself, leaning on a pillar and staring out the window. It’s late afternoon and the sun is hitting the windows perfectly. It looks gold in the airport with the way the light shines in and I try to control my nervous breathing. My chest hasn’t felt this tight in a very long time. I just want to hold him again. Kiss him again. 

I look down at my phone again to check the time. Where is he? I turn away from the windows and begin to look for him among the many bodies that are emerging from where he is supposed to be coming from. I don’t know why I’m trying. He’s 5’4. Not like I’d see him. 

"Come on," I groan to myself and bounce on the balls of my feet and cross my arms impatiently. My entire body is wired and I just want him here already. 

When I feel my phone vibrate multiple times, I answer it quickly, not looking at the ID.

"Do you see me? I can’t see you!" I exclaim, getting worked up and I hear a feminine laugh on the other end. 

"Should I be able to see you?" Taylor asks and I frown. 

"Shut up, what do you want? I’m looking for Patrick," I say, craning my neck to see if I can find the short little shit. The bodies aren’t thinning out any and I get nervous that I might have missed him. 

"See him yet?" She whispers, a hint of laughter in her voice. 

"I’m gonna hang up on you," I say and she makes a hurt noise on the other end. 

"THERE HE IS!" She screams into the phone as long as she can and I wince, pulling it away from my ear a fraction. She’s gonna be the death of me. 

"You’re such a bitch," I laugh, walking towards the crowd when I still don’t see him. 

"Oh this is so exciting," She squeals.

"What do you want Taylor?" I laugh, weaving through the crowd and searching for my short man. I’m getting knocked in the shoulder and my feet are being stepped on and I’m pretty confident that I’ve missed him because I’m 5 foot and he’s 5’4 and it just doesn’t work. 

"I’m just calling to chat and gossip and-"

"Brin!" I hear from behind me. The voice is familiar and warm and when I hear it, my heart stops and I hang up on Taylor, shoving my phone in my pocket. I turn, my cross body purse knocking into someone, and I scan the faces for him. There’s so many, but I spot him after a moment and he’s about 12 feet from me. He’s smiling big in his stupid blue cardigan and black jeans that he wears too much. He isn’t wearing a hat and his blonde, feathery hair is falling over his forehead and I appreciate the late afternoon sun once again. It’s like a spotlight on him and I smile wide, swallowing back the stupid tears that seem to be pouring over constantly these days. 

I start rushing towards him and he laughs, dropping his bags to the floor and opening his arms for me and I knock into him so hard that his breath lets out on a gasp and his arms wrap around me tightly. I feel him rock me slightly, holding me as close as possible and I laugh pathetically. I missed him so much.

I know the tears are spilling over, much to my embarrassment and I keep my face hidden in his neck as I breath him in. He smells the same. He feels the same. I didn’t realize how much I needed him until he’d been gone for too long. 

"Baby, I missed you," He whispers into my ear and I pull back, smiling as he wipes the drying tears from my face. I reach up and clutch at the cloth of his cardigan and I pull him closer, leaning my forehead to his and I just smile. And I don’t stop smiling. I can feel my phone vibrating in my pocket. Taylor probably calling to yell at me for hanging up on her. 

I press my lips to his hard and I can taste my tears on his mouth. I breath into him and just let him hold me in the middle of this crowded airport. 

"I’m not gonna want you to leave," I say sadly, kissing his cheeks and just hugging him tightly. 

"Let’s not talk about me leaving. Let’s just enjoy this," He says and pulls away, giving me a soft smile before picking up his bags and gesturing with his shoulder for us to go. "Come on, I want to see your fancy uptown apartment," He laughs and I roll my eyes, walking beside him easily. 

"It’s not super fancy. I didn’t want to be smack dab in the middle of tourist galore," I defend and he makes a face. 

"You’re didn’t get a place in a bad area, right?" He asks, worried. 

"Are you kidding me?" I scoff and shake my head, walking out the airport. We get to the curb and track down a cab. 

He puts his things in the trunk and I give the driver my apartment building before settling in the backseat with Patrick. I squeeze in as close as possible to him and hold his hand in my lap as I look at my phone to see a mass amounts of offended texts from Taylor. 

Almost on queue, she calls and Patrick immediately grabs it out my hand and answers. 

"Stop distracting her," He greets and I hear her screech on the other end. He laughs and shakes his head. "Yes she found me. We’re on way to her apartment. Now stop taking her attention away from me, I want to be showered in love and you’re ruining it," He finishes and hangs up on her.

"Showered in love?" I chuckle, taking my phone from him and he smiles, leaning in and pressing his lips to mine. 

"And I’m looking forward to every second of it," He winks at me and I scoff, shoving my hand in his face and pushing him away. 

"We’re almost there. Put your pants back on," I tease and he grins at me as we pull up to my building. I pay the cab driver before getting out with Patrick and helping him get his things out. 

We take the elevator up to the 10th floor and I lead him to my apartment on the very end of the hall. I have the corner over looking the lake and city. 

"Just a warning: I haven’t unpacked much. It’s kind of trashed and it looks really shitty-" I start and he pushes me in and drops the bags at the door. His hands are sliding into my hair and he is holding me to the wall by the unclosed door. 

"Patrick," I laugh against his lips and he kisses my throat. "Let’s close the door and get your shit in first. You just got here," I whisper.

"But I missed you so much," He says and covers my mouth with his once again. 

"I know," I laugh, pushing him away. "Calm down. We have two whole weeks," I stroke his cheek and give him a soft smile. 

He frowns and rolls his eyes, “You’re killing me.”

"I know, I’m the worst," I say, taking one of his bags and leading him trough the living room. It’s got a couple couches and the entire outer wall is windows. Ceiling to floor. There’s a balcony off one of them and I have a few chairs out there and it’s nice sometimes. 

I continue to lead him into my bedroom and get a little embarrassed at the mess. I haven’t unpacked completely. My suitcase is flooding over in the corner and my mattress is sitting in the middle of the room on the floor. The outer corner walls are the large windows that cover from ceiling to floor so I guess that has some appeal. It feels so open and it freaked me out for a while. They’re tinted from the outside but it’d hard to get used to. 

"Holy smokes," He says, dropping his bag by the closet and I nod. 

"Pretty, isn’t it?" I ask, looking out into the darkening city and I smile. 

"This is… overwhelming," He says and wraps his arms around my waist. 

"I write a lot in here. When I go to bed I just stare out and it feels like I’m floating," I laugh, turning around in his arms and pecking his lips. "Are you hungry? I can make you something? I have some stuff," I offer and go to fix him something but he hangs on to me tightly. 

"I’m jet lagged. Can we just lay down?" He asks. His eyes are tired and he’s looking a little pale.

I smile, nodding, “Sure. I’m going to make some tea and we can just chill and nap and stuff” I say, turning around to go to the kitchen and he snakes his hand in mine to stop me. 

"Brin," He says softly and I turn to him. "Stop fussing. I’m here," He tells me seriously. "Just be with me," He finishes.

My chest feels tight and I hate that all I can think is that he is going to leave again. All I think about is the end and it rips me apart. 

After the tour, we spent a week or two at his house, just being together, but FOB started preparing for their next tour and J and I started to look for places to settle down for a bit. 

Almost too fast we went our separate ways. We call every night but the talks are too short and we attempt to Skype but his connection is always bad. 

It’s hard. 

"Ok," I say as he backs up to my bed and sits down, pulling me towards him. He slides his shoes off and pulls off his jeans before moving under the covers and snuggling into my pillows. 

I follow close behind and burrow into his side and weed my legs through his. I sigh, completely relaxed with him and I look out into the city. 

"I don’t want you to leave me again," I whisper and he stills beside me. 

"Come with me," He says and I chuckle. 

"I can’t," I say, shaking my head. 

"Why not?" He asks. "You can write on the bus," He offers. 

"It’s me and J, Patrick. We write together," I say sadly. 

"I never thought it’d be this hard," He says, plopping his head on the pillow and I bite my lip. 

"I guess it’s harder when you really care about someone," I say and he shrugs. 

"I guess," He sighs and I frown. Why are we moping, it’s his first day back. Fuck it.

"Ok, no more talk. I’m sorry for being anxious," I say, sitting up and he quirks an eyebrow and I stare at him for a moment. 

"You ok there?" He laughs and I smile, climbing over him and leaning down to kiss him, working my hands under his shirt and easing it up a bit. 

"I just love you a lot, you know that?" I ask and he breaths deeply, sliding his hands over my hips and back up under my shirt. 

"I missed this," He says. 

"Getting laid?" I roll my eyes as he works my shirt off. 

"No. You," He says and I cover his mouth with mine. 

It’s quiet as we pull at each others clothes and I find we have a certain urgency. It’s been too long. Too long since we’ve felt each other’s skin. Lips. 

"Patrick," I sigh, letting him flip me on my back and his mouth hovers over my mouth as he runs his hands over me and I swallow back the tears that overwhelm me. I lift my arms over his shoulders and hold him close as we move together and we rediscover each other under the Chicago lights. 

~*~

My eyes open to darkness. As much darkness as my room can get without the curtains drawn at least. It takes me a moment to realize I am laying on him and I turn my head to look up at his face. He’s out cold and I chuckle. He’s almost snoring. 

My mouth feels dry so I carefully crawl off the bed and find a random tshirt and my sweatpants that I slide into before going out into my kitchen.

I grab a water bottle from the fridge and decide to sit out on the balcony for a bit. 

I have trouble sleeping recently. I’m always thinking, always waiting for him to call. Always writing or worrying. The only friend that lives in the city with me is J and he’s usually busy. We see each other when we work, or course. But it get a little lonely. 

But Patrick is here for a couple weeks. We can live for a couple weeks. 

But then he’ll leave again and as much as I know I shouldn’t think about it, I do. I try to cover it up a bit, try to make our time more meaningful, but I he knows me too well.

"Babe?" I hear a tired voice from behind the screen door of my balcony and I sit up in my padded chair I have out here. 

"I’m right here," I say softly and he comes out in his boxers, a shirt and socks. Always the socks. 

"Why are you up?" He asks and I smile, sliding over in my chair for him to sit with me and he cuddles in beside me. His arm goes around me and I lay my head on his chest. 

"I don’t sleep much," I explain and he nods. He has the same problem at night. 

"Are you ok?" He asks and I nod against his shirt. I take his hand in mine and lace our fingers. 

"Now I am," I say and he kisses my head.

I’m ok when I’m with him. 


	2. Ravish

I wake to the smell of bacon and I smile, stretching against my pillows. He must have been up for a bit because his side is cold and I lay a moment, debating whether or not to get up or wait for him to bring me food. 

When I hear the faintest sound of his singing, I smirk, crawling out and tiptoeing into the kitchen. 

He’s wearing his batman pajamas and flipping pancakes with the radio on his favorite jazz channel. 

His little hips are moving to the sounds and I can’t help but laugh quietly and cover my mouth to hold in the sound. 

I watch him attempt to flip it by throwing it and it ends up falling face down on the counter and he curses before attempting to clean it up. 

"I paid a deposit on this place, you know," I say, making myself known and he stands up straight and faces me guiltily.

"Dammit, can’t you sleep in just once?" He laughs and I roll my eyes, grabbing a rag and wiping the remaining batter off the counter. 

"Were you going to eat this all by yourself?" I ask, amused, and snake my arms around his waist while he safely flips the pancakes with a spatula. 

"No I  _was_ going to climb back in bed with you and we were gonna eat it and then I was going to ravish you,” He pouts. 

"Did you just say ravish?" I laugh. 

"Yes I did and I regret nothing," He looks at me pointedly and slides the last of the pancakes on a plate. 

"You can still ravish me if you really want to," I say, taking the plate to my dining table and getting the butter and syrup out of the fridge. We settle beside each other in our chairs and I smile, sliding my feet into his lap while we eat in silence. 

I watch him as he scrolls through his phone and occasionally takes a bite and I study the concentration on his face. His lips purse to sip his tea and when he sets down his phone to eat more, his free hand drops to my ankle and he holds it, running his thumb over my skin. 

My chest fills with warmth and I smile as I turn back to my plate and continue to eat. His love overwhelms me. It makes me want to wake up this way for the rest of my life. 

"So what’s the plan for today?" He asks. "Do you want to stay in and just relax?" He asks and I wipe my mouth with my napkin. 

"I was thinking about taking you to the studio. Let you listen to a couple demos we’ve made," I suggest and his eyes light up. 

"How many have you got?"

"Just a couple. I haven’t recorded one so i’ll just play it for you and then we can get lunch or something," I offer and take his empty plate and my own and taking them to the sink. He doesn’t say anything and I continue to talk. "Maybe I’ll get ahold of J sometime this week and we can all go to the bar or something-" 

Suddenly his hands are on my waist and he is turning me to him while I was trying to rinse the dishes. He bends down and bumps his shoulder into my hips so that I am bending over his back and he lifts me into the air. 

"What the hell are you doing!" I laugh, pushing my hands against the lift of his butt to hold me up a bit. He wobbles slightly, adjusting to my weight and he laughs. 

"I’m attempting to ravish you, stop moving!" He scolds and he slams into the wall of the hallway because he’s not as strong as he thought he was. 

"I could carry you down the hallway better than you’re carrying me," I grumble, rubbing my head that got the brunt of the drywall. 

"Stop whining!" He laughs, entering the bedroom and throwing me down on the mattress. I smile up at him as he takes his shirt off and he moves down towards me. However, he ends up slipping on something and falls directly on me, all his weight colliding on my ribcage and I laugh into his chest. 

"You’re never attempting to ravish me again, you’re going to end up killing me!" I yell and suddenly he rights himself and presses his mouth hard to mine and all teasing and words are gone. 

**~*~**

"Ok so it’s super convenient because it’s only right down the street and no one is here today because it’s Sunday so we have the entire place to ourselves!" I smile, pulling his hand down the street and he is having a hard time keeping up. He’s wearing many layers, as usual, including a tshirt, a button up, a cardigan and a leather jacket. It’s starting to be fall in Chicago so it’s a little chilly. 

"Slow down," He laughs, pulling at my hand and I roll my eyes, slowing my step to his. His arm snakes around my waist and I smile, sliding mine around his and we walk together. 

We find the studio shortly and we take the stairs by the alley down to the basement of the building. I use my key to open the door and I let us in. 

Once the lights are on, I navigate through the halls and find our studio that we’re using and I gesture to a ripped leather couch for him to sit. 

"Very punk rock," He laughs, sitting and taking his jacket off while I turn the equipment on. The walls are covered in graffiti and signatures and the recording room is draped in rugs and tapestries. 

"It’s chill. I like it," I smile, opening the door to the recording booth and grabbing my ukelele. 

"Ooo, new twist," He smiles and I wink, grabbing the drum machine, setting it on the roll away table and setting the beat. 

"Ok, the lyrics aren’t completely done, but I have the general instrumental figured out," I inform him and he nods, giving me a soft smile. I take in a breath and begin strumming. It’s a cute sound. Poppy and almost fast. I bob my head with it and begin to sing the words that aren’t quite tied together yet. I laugh at a few parts and he laughs with me and when I get to the chorus, I confidently sing the hook and let my voice flow around us. My eyes are closed and I move my body with the beat. 

When I finish the song, I breath and open my eyes and he is sitting back, relaxed into the leather cushions and he is nodding. 

"That sounds awesome!" He smiles and I grin back, standing up and setting the ukulele next to the drum machine. 

"It’s not done yet or we would have made a demo by now, but it works," I say, going to the cds that are stacked on the counter. "I want to add a little keyboard to it and maybe some synth, but we’ll see," I shrug and put the cd in the player and let him listen to our very few demos. 

As he listens, his head is down and I get a little nervous because they are mostly about him. Nothing bad, but he’s been my inspiration so it’s a little nerve racking. 

I sit beside him and lean my head on his shoulder as we listen. When they finish, he leans back and pulls me into his side. 

"I love you," He says and I laugh. 

"Random," I say and he shrugs. "I love you too," I smile, kissing him briefly. 

"They were great," He nods and I blush, ducking my head before getting up and shutting off the cd player and putting the cd back. 

"We think a couple might be singles. Still planning," I say and he gets up, pulling his jacket back on. 

"Lunch?" He asks and I agree, letting him lead me out this time. I shut off the lights and lock the door before we climb the stairs onto the street and make our way to a cafe down the road. 

We get a booth by the windows and immediately order our tea before looking through the menus. 

"So you won’t even consider coming on tour with us for a week or two?" He asks thoughtfully, going back to our conversation from the night before. I frown, staring out the window and shrug.

"I mean, maybe eventually. I want to. Believe me," I laugh and he nods. 

"I just can’t stand not seeing you for so many weeks," He says and I agree. 

"Same," I sigh, deciding that while I like looking at him, I like touching him more, so I get up and slide into his side of the booth with him. 

"It sucks," He pouts and I nod, weaving my arm through his and leaning against his side. 

The waitress comes back and we order our food quickly. I sip my tea and let him play with my free hand while we wait in comfortable silence. 

It’s broken when his phone begins to ring and I move a little, letting him reach between us so he can take it our of his pocket. 

"Hey mom," He answers and I start playing with his free hand when he stops with mine. "Yeah, I got in last night. Smooth flight," He says and I can hear her talking faintly on the other end. I should probably call my mom eventually. 

"I’m staying with Brin, but we can come over for dinner sometime if you want," He offers and I stiffen. He looks at me amused. "Tonight should work. I’m pretty sure we were just going to hang out anyway. Is that ok Babe?" He asks me and I sputter. "Tonight is perfect," He says and I glare at him. 

"You shit head," I mumble. 

"Ok, love you too. We’ll be there by 6," He says and hangs up. He looks at me as our food is being set in front of us. "Looks like you’re meeting my mom tonight," He grins. 


	3. Pat & Hank

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (WARNING: I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HIS MOTHER IS LIKE AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HIS STEP FATHERS NAME IS OR WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE)

"Patrick this is too last minute, I haven’t mentally prepared at all and-" My emotions clog my throat as I sit on the floor beside my not yet unpacked suitcase and dig for something decent to wear. 

"She’s not a monster, you know," He laughs, crouching down beside me and picking up one of my pairs of underwear and studying it. 

"Hey!" I scold, snatching it from him and he smiles evilly, scooting back against the bed and sitting on the edge. 

"It’s just dinner," He soothes and I glare at him over my shoulder. 

"Yeah and I’ll tell you the same thing when you meet my parents," I growl and he pales a little. "That’s what I thought," I say, turning back to my suitcase and grabbing some black jeans and a nice ivory blouse.

"Come here," He says softly and I sigh, turning to him slightly.

"What? I have to get ready," I argue. 

"We don’t have to leave for another couple hours. Come here," He says again, holding his hand out to me and I roll my eyes, setting the clothes down and stand. I take his hand in mine and slowly walk between his spread knees and lean against him with his head level with my chest. 

"What?" I grin slyly and he smiles up at me. He takes his hand from mine to rest on my back and pull me closer so that his chin rests on top of my breasts and my body is pressed to his front. 

"I love you," He says quietly. I bite my lip, leaning down a bit to press my lips to his. I tangle my fingers in his short, light hair and move my mouth against his for a moment, allowing myself to taste him. Feel him. 

I move so that my knees are resting on the mattress on either side of him and I am sitting in his lap. I tangle my arms around him, keeping close. I kiss him, breathing him in and never wanting to move. His hands are running down my back and up under my shirt and he presses the warmth of his palms to my skin. 

I bring in my arms a bit and run my hands up the back of his neck and into his hair again. I love his hair. So soft and light. I play with it, pulling at it and twirling it around my fingers as I kiss him. 

I move to cup his face in my hands and I kiss his cheeks, running my lips over his pale skin to press a small kiss to his ear and whisper my love to him. As soon as the words leave my lips he is crushing me to him, hugging me tightly and burying his face in my hair. 

"Hey," I laugh, kissing his neck lightly and hugging him back. I rub my hands over his spine and just hold him while he clutches at the cloth of my shirt. "Are you ok?" I ask, a bit concerned. I try to pull away, but he holds fast. 

"I’m fine," He says. "Don’t move," He says and I smile. 

"What did you jizz in your pants?" I tease and he scoffs, shaking his head and I sigh, relaxing in his arms and laying my head over his shoulder while I play with a string on his sweater. 

"Sometimes you overwhelm me," He says softly and I pause in playing with his sweater. 

"Yeah?" I ask moving to play with small, pale hairs on the back of his neck. 

"Almost all the time," He laughs, finally pulling away and looking at me. I smile at him warmly and he kisses my lips quickly. "Ok, you can get ready if you want. I just wanted to hold you for a minute" He nods.

"Oh yeah right!" I exclaim and push him back on the bed and connect our lips once again. 

~*~

"Oh my god, I didn’t even get to dry my hair completely, you took too fucking long," I say, panicked and attempt to fluff my half damp hair in the sun visor mirror of my car. 

"You’re complaining?" He laughs, pulling up outside a 2 story home in Glenview. I glance over at him quickly to glare before turning back and pouting at my reflection. 

"It’s so flat," I whine and he grabs my chin to make me face him and he presses a smacking kiss to my lips. 

"You’re beautiful. Now come on, I’m hungry," He smiles and gets out of the car. I take one last glance at myself and get out as well. 

"Patrick, wait up," I say in a small scared voice as I try to catch him to him and he stops, smiling at me and takes my hand in his halfway up the walkway. 

"Don’t be so jumpy," He encourages and tucks some of my hair behind my ear. 

"I’m scared," I breath and he kisses my forehead and squeezed my hand. 

"Just be yourself. I want my mom to meet the person I love just as much as her," He winks. I frown and smack his arm. 

"Shut up," I mumble and let him lead me to the door. He doesn’t knock, just opens the door and I swallow, following him into the sweet smelling house. 

"Mom!" He calls, toeing off his sneakers and I slip off my boots. 

"Pat!" I hear a deep voice call off and I peak around Patrick’s shoulder to look down the hall to the kitchen and I see a large man open the back sliding door. "Pat! Rick is here!" He calls and turns to smile at us. 

"How you been, man!" The man smiles and stomps down the hall to hug Patrick. Patrick laughs and hugs him back. The man towers over both of us and I stare up at him when he turns to me. 

"I’ve been great, Hank. This is my girlfriend, Brindley," He introduces us and I smile, offering him my hand to shake and instead he leans down almost at his waist to hug me and I smile, hugging him back. 

"Brin, this is Hank, my stepdad," He smiles at me and I nod when the large man stand up straight and ushers us further into the house. 

"Your mom took the dogs out, she’s comin!" He says and goes to the kitchen sink to wash some lettuce he seemed to have left halfway through rinsing. 

Patrick turns to me and smiles and leads me to the sliding glass door. He steps out, letting me go and waves to a small woman with dark hair and familiar eyes. 

The dogs rush away from her and climb up the deck to tackle Patrick and I and I crouch down to pet the beagle that is sniffing at my feet and begging for attention. 

"Puppies," I coo, scratching behind his ears as the woman reaches us and hugs Patrick. 

"Hey mom," Patrick laughs, hugging his mother tightly and I stand again, awkwardly now. "I missed you," He says and kisses her head. He’s slightly taller than her and she smiles up at him with warm eyes. 

"You really need to come home more often," She points and he shrugs, smiling. She turns to me then and I swallow, giving her a small smile.

"I’m Brindley," I introduce myself and she steps away from Patrick and tilts her head. 

"So you’re the girl that’s been taking up all Rick’s time, huh?" She laughs and I freeze. 

"Uh.." I stutter and she shakes her head, hugging me and I sigh with relief, hugging her back. Patrick smiles at me from behind her and mouths ‘I told you.’ 

"I’m kidding. You can call me Pat," She smiles and opens the glass door to allow the dogs in. 

She walks in ahead of us and Patrick takes my hand squeezes it tightly, letting me in ahead of him. 

"We’re having grilled chicken and asparagus," She says, pulling two pans out of the oven that are covered in foil. 

"Sounds amazing," Patrick says and grabs some plates from a cupboard to set the table. He grabs a handful of silverware and napkins and I take the plates from him to give me something to do. 

Pat sets the pans in the middle of the table and Hank brings over a large pull of pre tossed salad for us. When we all sit to eat, the questioning begins. 

"So Brindley, do you work?" Pat asks and I nod, chewing my salad quickly. 

"She’s a musician, mom," Patrick says. "We toured together over the summer, remember I told you over the phone," He says and I nod. 

"So many musicians," She sighs and he laughs. 

"I’m also a graphic designer, kind of," I pipe up and Patrick looks at me confused. 

"Are you?" She asks and I nod, cutting my chicken with a knife and Patrick looks at me with an eyebrow raised. So I haven’t told him..

"I went to school for it at least. I don’t usually do much with it, but I’ve designed my band’s album art," I say and she nods. 

"So you’re an artist?" She asks. 

"I’d like to think so. My parents wanted me to be a doctor but my grandpa put me on a piano when I was 5 and my grandma gave me a pencil and my parents couldn’t keep my head in a textbook," I smile and she laughs. 

"I couldn’t get him to do school work if my life depended on it," She says, pointing at Patrick. 

"Sorry!" He laughs, holding his hands up in defense. 

"He’s really smart though," I say, looking at him and smiling. He grins back at me and chews his chicken obnoxiously. 

"Too bad he never did his homework," Hank chuckles and Patrick shrugs, taking my hand under the table. 

"Hey, I was a decent kid!" Patrick defends and I smile into my food as they argue how good of a kid he may or not have been.

"Brindley, just prepare yourself for some hellions when you two start having children," Pat says and I choke on a piece of asparagus. 

"Pat, sweetie, too much," Hank smiles and slaps his chest in his laughter, shaking his head. Patrick leans near me to make sure I’m breathing ok and I hold up a hand to keep him at bay. 

"I’m fine," I laugh nervously. 

"I’m just saying. If it happens," Pat continues and I nod awkwardly. "Speaking of. With you two being musicians, how do you plan on raising them properly? The road is no place for children," She says, completely serious and I look at Patrick wide eyed. 

"Mom, it’s a little soon to think about that," He says, turning to her and I swallow, taking a sip of my water. She raises an eyebrow at me and I give her a nervous smile. 

"How old are you, Brindley?" She asks me and Patrick squeezes my hand again.

"23. I’ll be 24 next month," I say. 

"Oh wow. You’re fairly young," She comments and I nod. Hank is laughing to himself as she grills me. 

"Not that young, ma. I’m only 29, geez," Patrick laughs, standing to take the empty plates at the table and I stand with him quickly to help. He is not leaving me alone here. 

"I’m just saying," The small woman pouts and rises as well to take the pans and Hank grabs another piece of chicken off it before its out of reach. 

I immediately help her with the dishes and she rinses while I fill the dishwasher. It’s silent until Patrick leaves to pry the last of the dishes from Hank.

"Listen, I don’t mean to overstep. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable, but he’s my son," She tells me.

"No, no!" I say, shaking my head. "I completely understand. Please don’t apologize. I mean, I can’t promise children quite yet. I won’t lie to you," I say cautiously and she eyes me. Thoughts of the miscarriage bang against the insides of my skull but I shove it down. "But I love him. A lot," I breath and she eyes me. After a moment, she nods and hands me the last of the plates. 

"Should we go out and get ice cream?" Patrick asks, coming back into the kitchen with Hank. 

"Sure!" Pat says, wiping her wet hands and she smiles at me. 

"Of course, yeah," I nod. "I’m gonna use the bathroom really quick?" I say and they nod. I go to pass Patrick and he grabs my hand and presses a quick kiss to my forehead. I smile sheepishly and head down the hall and into the bathroom.

**.Patrick.**

"Mom," I chuckle, shoving the last of Hank’s plates into the dishwasher. "That was a little much."

"You’re my son!" She defends and I sigh, turning to her and tilt my head. 

"I know. And I love you. But I love her too, so please don’t scare her," I smile and she shrugs. 

"What happened?" She asks and I look at her confused. 

"What do you mean?" I ask and she crosses her arms as she leans against the counter. 

"She said something about not having kids yet and she looked like she was going to throw up. What happened?" She asks again and I sigh, a little speck of panic rising in my chest and I glance down the long hall to make sure she is still in there. Probably trying to fix her hair again. 

"Don’t freak out," I say, deciding since Hank disappeared, now was the best time. 

"Spill," She points. 

"She, uh," I start, scratching the back of my neck nervously. "There was an accident a few months ago. She was pregnant-"

"What?" She interrupts me and I hold up a hand for her to let me continue. 

"She miscarried," I say quietly and I watch as my mom almost breaks. Her hand rises to rest against her throat and she breaths deeply. 

"Well," She says, unable to say anything. 

"I love her, mom," I say and she nods. 

"I know," She says and steps forward to hug me. "I’m sorry," She whispers to me and I nod. 

"It’s fine," I say. "It happened. We dealt with it," I say and she cups my face in her hands and kisses my forehead. 

"Was she ok?" She asks quietly and I shrug. 

"She’s getting there," I say and she nods. "I want to marry her," I whisper to her and she looks down, smiling. 

"Good," She says simply and the bathroom door opens. My mom gives me one last wink and goes to get ready to leave. 

Brin walks down the hall back to me as my mom leaves the room and she gives me a small smile. I smile back and open my arms for her to walk into.

"You doing ok?" I ask and she chuckles, nodding. 

"Yeah. She’s a sweet lady," She says and I kiss her nose. 

"I think she likes you," I say and she rolls her eyes. 

"Yeah, hopefully," She groans and I smile, pressing my lips to hers.  


	4. Bar The Windows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight NSFW

We leave for home from the ice cream shop. We spent a good hour sitting at a picnic table, talking, getting to know each other. 

I feel a little uneasy, however. Pat seemed to warm up to me a lot. But she did so unusually fast. She was being almost disgustingly nice to me and I can only think that Patrick may have talked to her. 

The thought of him telling her to be nice upsets me a little and on the way home, I decide to ask him. 

"What did you say to her?" I ask quietly. He doesn’t say anything, just takes a couple quick glances at me from the wheel. I watch him, study his reaction. 

"What do you mean?" He asks. He’s not good at lying. Neither of us are. 

"You know what I mean. You said something to her. She got grossly nice at the ice cream shop," I say. 

"She likes you," He shrugs. 

"Patrick," I state knowingly and he sighs, pulling up to the parking garage and quickly finding a spot a few floors up. He doesn’t speak till we are parked. 

"She… Was curious. She had a hunch and asked me about it. I told her about the miscarriage," He says without looking at me and I almost choke. Out of anything I thought he would tell her, that was not it. Immediately tears are filling my eyes and rage is consuming me. 

"Patrick…" I whisper brokenly and he turns to me from the driver’s seat and I am closing in on myself. 

"No, Brin, it’s ok!" He stresses and I look at him straight on as tears leak over my cheeks. 

"That is our business. That is our loss," I say in a small voice and he’s at a loss for words. He reaches for me and I shake my head, quickly getting out of the car. I start walking towards the stairwell and I hear him get out as well and run to me. 

"Brindley," He starts and I shake my head, jerking my arm from his grasp when he attempts to slow me. 

"Don’t touch me right now," I say, swiping at the tears that are soaking my cheeks.

"She’s my mother. She was concerned," He stresses and I walk onto the street and head towards my apartment building. "She likes you! She wanted to know why you got jumpy-"

"Patrick I lost the baby!" I stop walking and whirl on him. My voice is high and my face is soaked. I’m sure I’m red all over and I’m shaking so hard I have to cross my arms and hold myself to keep from dropping to the cement. "I’m not sure you understand how much shame I feel. How much I hate myself. I had a hard enough time telling you-" I poke him hard in the chest and he looks down at me sadly, "Do you really think I wanted your mother to know? The first day of meeting her??" I question harshly and he doesn’t say anything so I turn on him and keep walking. 

He walks close behind me in silence and I keep on crying the entire way. 

Once in the building, he breaks the silence in the elevator. 

"I’m sorry," He says and I shake my head, biting my lip. 

"I know you didn’t mean to hurt me, but that was our business," I say brokenly and he steps closer, slowly, and takes my hand that’s pressed to my eyes. 

"Hey," He whispers and I shake my head, letting him press his face into my hair as I break down in silent sobs. "I love you."

"I know," I mumble and lead him out of the elevator when we reach my floor. 

No matter how mad I am, I keep his warm hand in mine and go to my apartment. I get my key out of my purse and I am shaking so hard that he takes it from me to unlock it. 

"That’s weird," He says, pushing the door open.

"What?" I sniffle and he blocks me from going in when I step forward. 

"Did you lock it on your way out?" He asks. 

"Yeah?" I say and he looks at me worried and pushes the door open wider, holding me back. 

"Wait here," He says. 

"No! Hey, no way you are going in there alone!" I argue, pushing his hand away and stomping in. 

"Brin!" He calls after me and I walk in, eyeing every spot. He flips the light on to see better and there’s nothing here. Nothing out of place. 

"It’s fine," I say, heading to the bedroom and taking my shirt off on the way. I just want to shower and sleep. I don’t want to think of today anymore. I want to forget that he shared my shame with his mother and I want to sleep in his arms and enjoy him before he leaves me in just over a week. 

"Brin, dammit," He swears and follows me quickly. "What if they’re hiding-" I whirl on him and this time, instead of yelling at him, I shove him into the wall. I’m so mad at him for being so worried and telling his mother about the miscarriage. This was our week. The small time we had together and he’s pissing me off. I don’t want to feel like this with him here. I just want him. 

I push down the stupid tears and I press my lips to his and quickly jerk his shirt over his head. 

"Don’t ever tell anyone about the miscarriage, ever again," I growl, pulling away and he looks at me concerned. 

"Ok," He says and I feel his hands moving soothingly over my bare sides. 

"I don’t want to fight with you while you’re here," I point and try to get a handle on my emotions. My lip is quivering slightly so I bite on it. 

"I don’t want to fight with you ever," He whispers and I frown. 

"We fight a lot though," I say softly and he nods. Without a word, I lean into him and rest my head on his bare chest. I close my eyes and allow him to hold me. I lift my hand to play with the small hairs on his chest and I press my lips to the pale skin. 

"I love you, babe," He tells me and I smile a little. 

"I love you," I say back, pulling away to look at him.

"Good," He smirks at me and I roll my eyes, pressing my lips to his, but more softly this time. I frame his face in my hands and pull him down to my level more and I play with his soft lips. I slide my hands into his light hair and pull at it a little. I miss being able to play with it when he is away from me. The way it feels between my fingers. I miss the way his kisses me, with his hands playing over my back and holding me close. The way he smells and his soft skin against mine. Everything. 

I pull away but just to step back into the rest of my room and drag him with me. 

"Let’s take a bath," I smile, turning and letting him follow me into the bathroom as I pull off the rest of my clothes. 

I turn the water on in my large tub. It’s kind of a corner jacuzzi tub. It’s very large in area and it takes a while for it to fill up. I set the temperature high and test it with my hand. Once I have it perfect, I step in without looking at Patrick and I sit in the far corner by the window. 

I smile up at him now. He’s sliding his boxers down his pale legs and he steps in, settling close to me. I move just slightly so that we are nestled in the corner together and my legs are draping over his. I move my foot along his skin and I take his hand in my mine. 

"I wish you could stay with me," I say and he leans in and kisses my ear. 

"Me too," He says and I rest my head in the crook of his neck as the water envelopes us slowly. 

"I’m thinking about selling my house in LA," He says and I look at him in question. "I think after this big tour we’re gonna try to start writing. I’m always writing, but I think we’re gonna try to really start tying some things together. Experiment."

"Why would you sell your house?" I ask.

"I might move here. I’m more creative in Chicago. It’s my city," He turns to me. "And you’re here," He says and I smile a little. 

"Yeah. And I’m here," I laugh and he chuckles a little, leaning in and kissing me quickly. 

When he tries to pull away, I bring him back and deepen the kiss. I need him. 

I rise to my knees in the tub and straddle him. His hands slide over my hips and he grabs my ass as I settle over him, rubbing myself on him. I hear his breath hitch and I move to kiss his jaw. The water is just about to his hip now and it’s riding over my thighs. The warmth is welcoming.

Patrick kisses my neck as I move over him. His hand rises to play with my breast and I make a small noise, arching my back a little for him. His lips play over my skin and slowly, I rise up enough for him to come into me. I sit slowly and hug him to me as the water continues to rise over us. 

I’m moving slowly at first. His hands are on my hips, controlling my pace and I press my lips to his. He reaches a hand between us to play with me and I moan into his mouth, pulling away and getting more leverage. I pick up speed and tilt my head back, closing my eyes as he takes my nipple in his mouth. I make small noises as I ride him and soon, as the water is reaching just under my breasts, I feel myself falling. 

I tense, falling into his chest and allow him to move within me. He buries his face in my neck and flexes his hips against mine and I ride out my climax. 

I bite down on his shoulder and allow him to take me. My breathing is labored, but his is becoming more so. I can feel him deep and soon I am feeling full. He pumps into me one last time before freezing, tightening his hold around me and making a small noise into my hair. 

I reach over to shut off the water before it overflows and I come back to him, resting my head on his shoulder and sinking deeper into the water with him. It’s up to our necks with us laying back more and it feels like we’re floating in the heat. 

His hands are running over my back, up and down and I close my eyes, ready to fall asleep on him. 

After the water begins to cool and the sunset has dipped below the city, he stirs, waking me from half consciousness. He helps me out of the draining tub and we don’t even bother drying off, but instead, we fall together on my mattress. 

He holds me as we look out over the city. The lights of it illuminate the room. Our faces. 

"You’re on birth control, right?" He asks, breaking the comfortable silence and I nod. 

"Yeah. Why?" I ask, running a hand up his torso to rest over his heart. 

"I didn’t use a condom," He says. "And you’re not ready for that yet," He says, knowing. 

"Yeah, I’m fine," I say, kissing his neck softly. I hesitate before asking my next question. "…Are you ready?" I ask, curious because he only said me. 

"I mean," He starts, looking up at my ceiling and shrugging. "I’m not necessarily rushing, but if it happened, I think I’d be fine," He says and I bite my lip. 

"Patrick," I sigh. "I’m not sure when I’ll be ready," I say in a small voice. The miscarriage just happened a couple months ago.

"I know," He says, kissing my head. "But when you are, I’ll be here."

**.Patrick.**

It’s around 4am when I hear it. It’s a clicking noise. Not loud, but when it’s followed with a soft thud, I get a sick feeling in my stomach. 

I slowly untangle myself from her and pull on a pair of my pajama pants before making my way out of the room as quietly as I can. 

I’m not hearing anything anymore, but I continue to search. It sounded like it came from the kitchen and so before I turn the corner into it, I grab her umbrella that’s laying by her bookshelf.

I peak around into the kitchen and see nothing. The only light is the moon shining through the window that leads to her fire escape. 

I walk to it, staring out. I don’t see anything, but I lift the glass to stick my head out slightly to see down into the alley. I only see a hint of a shadow move out into the street before I feel hands on my hips and I jerk back inside, hitting my head on the window. 

"What are you doing?" She laughs when I swear and grab at the pain in my skull. 

"I heard something," I say, looking back outside. 

"I’m sure it’s fine," She rolls her eyes, tugging at my hand. "Come back to bed. I’m cold," She whines and I look back out the window one last time. 

I close it and lock it, deciding to wedge the umbrella on the top to make sure it can’t be opened. 

"I think you should get bars on that thing," I say, letting her lead me back to the bedroom. 

"It’s fine. The fire escape can’t be reached from the ground. You can only go down," She yawns. 

"It’d still make me feel better," I say, concerned. 

"Ok, I’ll put bars on it. Now bed," She laughs, falling back on the mattress and dragging me down with her.

I can’t sleep for the rest of the night. 


	5. T'Leah

I wake up around 10 without Patrick beside me. I reach my hand over the sheets to feel where he was and it's cold so I know he's been up for a while. 

 

I throw my hair up and brush my teeth before going out into the living room where he is sitting by my bookshelf and surrounded by the boxes I have yet to unpack. 

 

"Hey," I laugh, stepping over a couple and making him scoot over for me. 

 

"Hey, sorry I couldn't lay in there anymore so I came out here and these were calling to me," He laughs. His hair hasn't been brushed and it's sticking out at odd angles and I want to kiss him.

 

"My mom mailed these to me the other week and I haven't gotten to them yet," I say, opening one. "She just found them in the basement and figured she'd send them since they're mine."

 

"One of them has your prom dresses in it," He laughs and I roll my eyes. 

 

"What the hell," I grin. "I need to burn them," I shake my head. His soft laugh dyes down as his eyes fall on a box to his left and he takes it. 

 

"There's also this one," He says quietly and passes me the medium sized box. I raise my eyebrows at him and look down at it in my lap. I open the top and look down at a Fall Out Boy shirt. It was an old one. From the early days and it was stained and had holes in it. 

 

But this wasn't my shirt. I liked Fall Out Boy, but I was never a super fan. But Steven was. My only other boyfriend I've ever had. 

 

"Oh," I breath and pick the shirt up out of the box. 

 

"It's not yours is it?" He asks and I set the shirt aside and look back into the box to see little things that I had collected over the years from him. From Steven. Letters, stuffed animals, jewelry. This was my box for him. After we broke up, I collected everything that was from him or reminded me of him and I stuffed it in this box and shoved in the dark corner of our basement. I closed the door on that part of my life and this was how I coped with it. 

 

"You remember my ex I told you about?" I ask and set the shirt back on top of everything. I wasn't going to dig through this shit. 

 

"Steven," He says softly. 

 

"Yeah. I don't know why I didn't destroy this," I laugh a little and I stand with the box. "I think it's time I do," I say going to the door and setting it against the wall. 

 

"Why did you still have it?" He asks, looking at me from his spot on the floor. He looks a little offended and I know he's trying not to. I smile a little and walk to him. I settle down in his lap and tangle my arms around his neck before pressing my lips to his slowly and gently. 

 

"I was a girl," I say and he runs his hands under my shirt and over my bare back. "I forgot I still had it," I tell him and he nods, kissing my forehead. 

 

"Have you talked to him since you guys broke up?" He asks.

 

"No," I shake my head, sitting back a bit and rubbing my wrist. "I know he didn't do it on purpose but he screwed up my wrist a bit. I couldn't play for a while and J almost killed him. I was done."

 

He contemplates his next question. I can see his mind working and he bites his lip before asking. 

 

"Did he ever hurt you before that? Physically?" He asks and I can see the simmering anger beneath his eyes. I give him a sad smile and lift my hand to rest against his cheek. 

 

"No, Patrick," I answer softly. He nods, breathing deeply. 

 

"Good," He laughs a little and I kiss his nose. 

 

"Have you eaten?" I ask and he shakes his head. I nod, getting up and going to the kitchen to get some cereal for us. He meet me at the table and hands me my phone. 

 

"J is calling you," He says and I answer it quickly. 

 

"Hey," I say, getting the almond milk out of the fridge and handing it to Patrick. He pours himself some and sets it near my bowl before digging in. 

 

I take a seat beside him and give my attention to J. 

 

"Hey, are you busy tonight?" He asks and I look up at Patrick devouring his cereal. 

 

"Well, Patrick is here, but I don't think we're doing anything special. What's up?" I ask, pouring myself some of the milk and taking a bite. 

 

"Well I'm back in the city and my girlfriend is here and-"

 

"You have a girlfriend?" I ask and Patrick chokes on his cereal. 

 

"Yes, shut up. And I was just going to see if you and Patrick wanted to come over and we can do dinner and hang out. I miss the little dude," He says and I roll my eyes. 

 

"I'm sure he misses you too," I say and Patrick smiles, rolling his eyes. 

 

"Ok, so yeah, come over at like 4 ish I guess-" He cuts himself off and I hear a voice much higher than his in the background. There's harsh whispering and he sighs before coming back. "Ok, come by at 6," He says. 

 

"Everything ok?" I laugh. 

 

"T'Leah is making dinner and she went to culinary school and she needs time to prepare," He says. I hear a thud and he swears.

 

"Ok, you handle that. I'll see you at 6," I say and hang up.

 

"We going to J's?" Patrick asks, swirling his spoon in the left over milk. 

 

"Yeah. Meeting his girlfriend and she's cooking for us," I inform him and he yawns, sitting back in his seat and stretching a bit. 

 

"What time?" He asks and I drink the milk out of my bowl. I stand with it and grab his bowl as I answer. 

 

"6. She needs time to prepare the meal," I laugh and walk to the sink.

 

I rinse out the bowls and stick them into washer and when I stand up straight he pressed behind me. 

 

"So we have all day," He says into my ear and kissed my neck.

 

"Yep," I giggle and hold his hands that have slid over my stomach. 

 

"Good, we're going back to bed," He says, quickly locking our hands and dragging me out of the kitchen. 

 

~*~

 

"Stop!" I laugh as Patrick kisses my throat in the elevator. We're on our way up to J's apartment and he won't quit kissing me. 

 

"But I just wanna surround myself with you and be with you forever and live in bed all the time," He whines like a child and I roll my eyes. He rests his head on my chest and I smile, cradling him and running my fingers through his hair as he holds me. We rise to one of the top floors and I lead Patrick to the apartment. I can smell the spices as soon as we near the door and Patrick practically moans. 

 

He laces his fingers with mine and I knock on the door loudly. 

 

"Hey!" J greets, opening the door wide and I smile, nodding and he hugs me. 

 

"Hey douche face," I laugh and he winks at me. 

 

"Patrick! My love!" He exclaims and pushes me aside to hug my boyfriend. He gives his butt a nice squeeze before Patrick pushes him away and laughs, shaking his head. 

 

"Nice to see you, man," Patrick grins and J leads us in. I've been here before but he shows Patrick around a bit. When we reach the kitchen there's a small girl hovering by the stove. 

 

"Tee!" He laughs, getting her attention and she turns to us in surprise. She gives a hesitant smile and wipes her hands on her dark jeans. 

 

"Hi, shit, sorry!" She laughs and offers her hand for me to shake. "I'm T'Leah!" She introduces herself and I smile into her dark eyes and shake her hand. 

 

"Damn, you're taller than someone," Patrick comments and both T'Leah and I turn to glare at him. 

 

"Look who's talking," I poke him in the side and he laughs. He offers his hand to T'Leah and she laughs, shaking her head and shaking his hand. 

 

"I'm Patrick," He says. 

 

"I know. Holy shit. I mean, sorry, you're amazing?" She giggles, running a hand through her long dark hair. 

 

"She's a bit of a fan," J smiles, stepping forward and leaning a long way down to kiss her cheek. 

 

"You didn't tell me I'd be cooking for Patrick Stump, oh my god," She mumbles, pushing a piece of hair behind her ear.

 

"I'm not that hard to impress, I promise," He laughs, nodding to reassure her. 

 

"Yeah, he's basically a human garbage disposal," I tease and he rolls his eyes at me. 

 

"Well, that's good because there's a lot of food and it's almost done. You want to set the table?" T'Leah asks J and he nods, grabbing a handful of plates from the cupboard while she stirred in some spices to the pasta. 

 

I push Patrick to help J and he kisses my cheek before following him out of the room. 

 

I turn to T'Leah and smile at her back. She's nervous.

 

"Anything I can do?" I ask, tilting my head a bit and stepping forward to stand beside her. 

 

"Oh," She breaths, looking at me and she quickly opens the oven to get a pan of rolls out. "You can put these in the basket if you want," She offers and I nod, going to the opposite counter to get the breadbasket. I wash my hands quickly and toss the hot rolls into it and set it beside the oils that are arranged over the counter. 

 

"Anything else?" I laugh and I watch her pour the large pot of pasta into a casserole dish. She picks it up and turns to me with a large smile. 

 

"Nope, everything is ready," She tells me and I follow her into the dining room with the rolls. Patrick and J have migrated into another room and I hear the faint sound of guitar strings.

 

"J," T'Leah sighs quietly at the stack of plates that are sitting in the middle of the table and I laugh a little. I set the rolls down and disperse the plates around the table for her and she nods her thanks to me. 

 

"Let's go pry them away," I suggest when she sets the large dish of pasta down. 

 

"Yeah," She agrees and we follow the sound to J's music room. Patrick has an acoustic guitar in his lap and J is adjusting sounds on his computer. 

 

"Dinner is ready," I say loudly, getting their attention and Patrick looks up at me with a wide smile. 

 

"Ah, shit, sorry I didn't set the plates yet," J says, standing and coming to us. 

 

"I set them for you," I poke him in the chest and he looks down at T'Leah and she shrugs.

 

"Sorry, baby," He says softly and takes her hand and I take an awkward step into the room to face Patrick and not have to watch what awkward loving moment they are having over a table setting behind me. Patrick makes a face and laughs a little, setting the guitar down and he clears his throat. 

 

"Alright, let's eat, I'm starving!" He laughs and I turn to see T'Leah blushing a little and J snickering, pulling her behind him out of the room to the dining room. 

 

The pasta is spicy, much to Patrick's delight and he has a few servings. T'Leah relaxes after a while and starts talking less candidly. She's a music junkie and met J at a show. She is a kindergarten teacher, but also loves to cook. And she's about my age. 

 

"So how'd you snag him?" I ask after a while and J glares at me. 

 

"What do you mean?" She laughs. 

 

"I mean I've known him since we were kids and you've managed to bury your hook in one that couldn't be caught," I point my fork at him and he rolls his eyes. 

 

"I mean, I didn't really…" She looks at him and lets out a laugh. "He kind of wouldn't leave me alone until I agreed to go out with him," She finished and he takes a drink of his beer. 

 

" _Really?_ " I let out a laugh and eye him from my spot at the table and he flips me the bird. 

 

"Oh shut up, at least I go for what I want. You waited around like a lost puppy until he broke up with his girlfriend," He fires back and Patrick makes a defensive noise from beside me and I smile, shaking my head at J. 

 

"Oh please," I say, flipping my hair over my shoulder. "I knew what I was doing," I shrug, looking over at Patrick and he nods awkwardly, taking my beer. 

 

"You're such a bitch," J laughs, shaking his head at me. 

 

"Hey," T'Leah glares at him and he sighs, sitting back in his chair. 

 

"Sorry," He mumbles and I let out a loud laugh. 

 

"I love you!" I point at her and she gives me a small smile. 

 

"Dear god," Patrick laughs, shaking his head at me. 

 

"He's such a shit and she's got him wrapped around her tiny little finger," I say and J rolls his eyes. "You're going on tour with us!" I tell her and she shakes her head, laughing. 

 

"By the way," She says, taking a sip of her water. "When do you plan on touring? J hasn't said anything," She wonders cautiously and I feel for her. Touring life is hard. I look over to Patrick at the very thought and he feels my gaze and turns to me. He gives me a sad smile, knowing what I'm thinking and he slides his hand into my under the table. 

 

"Not for a while. We're still writing a lot," I tell her and J nods. 

 

"We might do a mini tour. Some small clubs here and there," J shrugs and it stays quiet for a while. 

 

When Patrick finishes off the last of the pasta, I follow T'Leah into the kitchen to take care of the dishes and Patrick and J decide to find something for us to watch. 

 

"Is it hard?" She asks me when we're alone and I give her a half smile. 

 

"Sometimes," I say, unsure of how to answer. "I mean, it's harder when he's overseas. He doesn't have stops near me so I literally have to go a while without seeing him. But it makes actually seeing him that much sweeter," I say and she nods. 

 

"As a teacher, it's going to be hard to make time," She says and I nod. 

 

"You'll figure it out," I say and she sighs. 

 

"I hope so," She tells me and while I've only known her a few hours, I wrap an arm around her and give her a warm hug. We're in the same boat. Afraid of the distance and what it will do to our relationships. 

 

"Babe!" I hear Patrick call from the living room. "Tell J we have to watch Ghostbusters!" He exclaims and I roll my eyes. 

 

"Ghostbusters?" T'Leah laughs and I sigh. 

 

"He has an odd obsession with the movie. Prepare to have an urge to smother his face with a pillow. He knows every word," I inform her and she smiles. 

 

"Sounds amazing," She says and when I turn to head to the other room, she catches my arm. "Thanks, by the way," She mumbles, pushing a piece of hair behind her ear. 

 

"Anytime," I wink. 

 

~*~

 

"Can we please please please watch Ghostbusters 2 and drink wine and cuddle," Patrick whines in my ear as we take the elevator to my apartment. We left J's place after finishing the first one. It started storming and we wanted to get back before it got too horrible out. 

 

And he's had a couple glasses of whiskey and he gets super lovey. 

 

"If you insist," I giggle softly as he snakes his arms around me from the side and buries his face in my neck. 

 

"I do, actually," He smiles, kissing my ear. 

 

"We should drag my mattress out into the living room and keep the balcony door open so we can smell the rain," I say and he nods. 

 

"And we can stay up all night and eat ice cream in our underwear," He suggests at the elevator doors open. 

 

"I didn't think you liked ice cream that much," I laugh. He's eaten a lot of it recently. 

 

"I don't but I like licking it off you," He whispers to me and I let out a loud laugh. 

 

"Oh my fucking god," I shake my head, walking ahead of him to my door and keep shaking my head, as I unlock it with his hands wrapped over my tummy. 

 

"I'm sorry, I just love you soooo much," He kisses the back of my neck as we stumble in and I laugh, turning in his arms. 

 

But I pause before kissing him. My body is frozen as he keeps kissing my throat and I set a hand on his chest to push him away as I turn to face my apartment. 

 

The window in the kitchen is smashed open. Glass litters the tile floor and the umbrella that Patrick wedged into it is in two pieces and laying in the sink. 

 

"What the fuck," Patrick gasps, stomping passed the mess and into the bedroom to check for intruders.

 

I turn to look at my trashed apartment. All the books that were stacked neatly on my bookshelf are now strewn around the room. My couch cushions are slashed and there's trash everywhere. Pages from books are ripped out and littering the floor. My TV has a crack in it and the pictures that were hanging on my wall are cracked and thrown all over. 

 

"Oh my god," I whimper softly, covering most of my face with my hands as tears leak over. "Oh my god," I repeat and crouch down to sit on the floor. My breathing is labored and I'm having a hard time seeing. Black spots litter my vision and I feel Patrick's arms wrap around me and bring me over to my ruined couch. 

 

"Baby, I need you to breath," He tells me, panicked and I nod, taking in rough breaths as he gets his phone out and calls the cops. 

 

"It's going to be ok," He whispers, pushing my hair out of my face before telling the operator my address and what happened. 

 

When he hangs up, he sits beside me on my couch and holds me until the cops get here. 

 


	6. Next Step

The cops came and taped up my window. They advised us not to touch anything so they can investigate and I decide I don't want to be there anymore after they take the report. 

"Where do you wanna go?" Patrick asks me, rubbing my arms and I wipe my hand over my eyes. 

"I- I don't know," I mumble, letting my eyes pan over the mess as he grabs my purse and some clothes for me. He stuffs them in an overnight bag and he throws in some of his own stuff. 

He makes a tortured noise, trying to hurry for my sake and I sigh heavily, burying my face in my hands. Everything had been going so well. I had a beautiful apartment in my favorite city and Patrick is with me and we are happy and then this. 

I feel violated. I feel sick at the thought that someone violently entered my personal peace and tossed my belongings around like nothing. They destroyed my property and the fact that they were here makes me sick. The fact that Patrick and I could have been here, or just me, terrifies me. 

I have the sudden urge to puke and without wanting, I run passed Patrick and into my bathroom. When I'm done, I sit back, wiping the tears from my face and try to get a handle on this. Were they coming back? Nothing was missing. But everything was destroyed. I'm scared. I'm really fucking scared. 

"Brin," Patrick says quietly, helping me up to wash out my mouth. "It's going to be ok," He attempts to comfort me and I shake my head. 

"What if they come back, Patrick?" I whisper and he shakes his head. 

"No-"

"But what if they do?" I press, looking up at him and running a hand through my hair. "What if they come back and I'm here by myself? What do I do then? Oh my god. I'm so fucking scared. Oh my god," My voice cracks on my last word and his arms come around me. He rests his chin on my head and I try to control my breathing.

"Move in with me," He says and I pull away, looking at him frantically. 

"What?"

"I'm selling my house in LA and I'm getting a place here and I want you to move in with me," He says and I shake my head. 

"Patrick, I can't-"

"Why?" He presses and I search for words. 

"Patrick you're never here!" I argue. "You're going to buy this place and pay all this money and you're not even going to be here-"

"You will be. And when I come back, I will too. I want to live with you and I want you in a house with real locks and a real security system and I don't want you staying here."

"Patrick, I can't," I shake my head, closing my eyes. 

"Why not?" He groans. "Seriously, it freaks me out, you living here-"

"This is my dream apartment," I grind out. "This is the first time I'm on my own. No roommates. No one to share this with. I'll get a security system put in, and more locks on the door and bars on the windows. I want to live here-"

"Is the idea of living with me so horrible, Brin?" He interrupts me and I look up into his eyes. 

"No! Patrick, that's not it-"

"Then what is it?" He presses and I stare into his eyes. He's hurt. He's really hurt over this.

"Look," I sigh, reaching out my shaking hands to grip his. "I'm finally on my own. I'm finally doing things my way. I want to support myself for a while," I bite my lip, debating whether or not to bring up the next part. "And Patrick, we've only been together seven months. I really love you. I really see myself with you for a really long time, if not for the rest of my life, but I want to do this right. I don't want to push forward too fast or we might get hurt," I say softly, but my voice is still shaking. He doesn't say anything and I hear something in the hall and I jump, moving closer to Patrick before the police officer peaks his head in. 

"Miss Reed? We're going to pack up, are you leaving for the night?" He asks and I nod, swallowing back my panic because I'm still in shock and I thought it was the intruder. 

"Um, yes. At least until the window is fixed," I say, giving him my contact information and he nods, turning his back to leave. 

I hear them leave and close the door before swallowing and turning back to Patrick. He's sitting on my mattress now and he's covering his face. His shoulders are stiff and I frown sadly, walking to him and getting on my knees to look into his face. 

"Baby," I whisper, sliding my hands under his so he'll move them and I cup his cheeks. His eyes are red from the effort he's putting into not losing his cool. He's trying so hard and I feel like an ass. I've hurt him. His lips are stiff and turned down sadly as he stares at me. 

"What if I wasn't here and they were still in the apartment when you got home? What if when I leave, they come back? That is what is scaring me so much. That is why I want you out of here. I'm so fucking scared to leave you next week. I'm begging you, please don't make me leave you _here_ ," He swallows, almost angry. He's shaking and I'm shaking and we're a mess but he loves me and he's worried and all I can do is pull him to me and hug him tightly. 

"I love you," I whisper and he wraps his arms around me and squeezes tightly. 

"I thought I lost you once and it was the scariest moment of my life. Don't make me go through that again," He tells me and I close my eyes, sighing. I try to think about how I would feel if he was in an accident. If I thought he died. And the very thought makes my throat close up with tears and I pull away, looking defeated. 

"Ok," I say and he stiffens, looking at me a bit skeptically.

"Ok?" He asks, his voice a bit lifted and I run a hand through my hair and look up at him. 

"But I don't want to rush," I point. "I want to look until we find something perfect. In the mean time, I will get ahold of my landlord and get the window fixed and the bars put on and a new lock and you and I will call around for a security system. We are not rushing this," I finish sternly and he tries to hide his smile, but he nods. "Deal?" I ask. 

"Deal," He laughs and I sigh, reaching for my bag. 

"Ok, let's go find a hotel," I say and he shakes his head. 

"I texted J, he's gonna let us stay with him and T'Leah till the window is fixed," He says and I nod, letting him lead me out of the apartment. I lock the door and he calls for a cab on the way down the elevator because while there's my car, it is also a few blocks away and my umbrella is broken and it is still raining. His hand holds mine tightly the entire way and when we leave the building, it's still raining. 

We wait a moment for the cab he called to show up and when it pulls up in front of us, Patrick lets me in first. He tells the driver the address and then settles back, putting an arm around me and pulling me in close. I feel his lips on my head and I close my eyes, winding my arms around him from the side and I relax.

"Thank you," He whispers to me and I smile slightly, nodding my head against the crook of his neck. 

~*~

"Jesus, are you ok?" J exclaims when we arrive. His arms are around me as soon as we walk in and I nod into his chest. 

"Yeah, dad, I'm fine," I laugh, pulling away and nodding to T'Leah who is in her pajamas and looking worried. 

"The window will be fixed in a couple days, so we won't bother you too long," Patrick tell him and J scoffs at him. 

"Shut up, Stump. You both can stay as long as you want," He says, leading us to the guest room. 

T'Leah asks me if I want anything to drink and I ponder, asking if they have wine. She nods, leaving the room to get it and I sigh, sitting on the bed and looking at Patrick. He's looking at his phone and pacing, his fingers tapping at the screen and I smile a little. At least he's with me. 

I quickly change into some sweatpants and a hoodie before running my hand down his back and kissing his spine on my way out of the room. He doesn't look up and I chuckle, walking out into the hall and almost run over T'Leah. 

"Oh," She says and I steady her, taking the glass of red wine she bought me. I thank her, following her out into the living room. 

J is sitting on the couch, going through a box when I sit beside him and he hands me something. 

"What is this?" I ask, looking down at the square object and he sighs, taking it back and pressing a button before manually sliding a blade out. 

"Pocket knife. Keep it," He says and I shake my head. 

"I don't need a fucking pocket knife, J," I say, taking a long gulp of my drink and he shoves it into my lap. 

"Fucking take it, Brin. Please," He says and closes up the box. "Just in case," He adds and leaves the room to put the box back in his room. 

I sigh, bringing my feet up to tuck under my bottom and I smile at T'Leah who is sitting in the chair across from me. 

"Sorry about this," I say to her and she hisses at me. 

"Your apartment was broken into. Don't be sorry," She says and I raise my eyebrows, nodding a little. 

"Ok," I chuckle and finish off my glass, feeling a little more relaxed. She yawns and I look at the clock and it's nearing midnight. "Why don't you head to bed? I'm getting tired, too. I'll see you in the morning," I tell her, standing and she laughs lightly, nodding. 

"Sounds good. I'm about to pass out to be honest," She says and I follow her down the hall. I watch her enter J's bedroom as he passes by the door and I smile when he runs a hand over her hair as she shuts the door. 

I enter the guest room to see Patrick hanging up his phone. He looks tired and he looks up at me from his place on the edge of the bed. 

"Hey," He says, reaching his hand out for mine and I comply. 

"Hi," I sigh sitting beside him and he kisses my temple. 

"You feel better?" He asks and I shrug, nodding. 

"Tired," I say. He agrees, standing to strip off his shirt and pants and I move under the blankets. He shuts off the light and slides in beside me. His arms go around me, finding my hands and laces our fingers. He presses against my back, tangling his legs with mine and I close my eyes, letting his warmth surround me. 

I fall asleep feeling safe. 


	7. No One Can Take This Away

Patrick has a security system installed less than 24 hours after the break-in. He’s on his phone before I awake and barely has time for breakfast before he’s on it again and making appointments for bars to be put up outside my window and the fire escape to be inspected. 

When I attempt to get him to take a break, he gets snappy and I end up pouting on the couch with J until he’s finished. 

"We gotta meet the crew at your apartment in about an hour," He announces, walking into the living room.

"Ok?" I sigh, looking down at my phone and texting Taylor back. She wanted details on what’s been going on. As I relay what happened to her, I get a little flustered, remembering how I felt when we opened the door. I think about how they broke my window and destroyed my things and I have to go back and fix it all and hope they don’t try to come back. I swallow back the panic that is building in my chest and try to focus my mind. 

"We should probably get there early, clean up a bit," He says, nodding his head towards the door so I get the hint to get my shit. I barely hear him. I’m reading over my text before I send it and I want to throw up.

"Brin," J says, covering my phone with his hand and I look up, a little spaced. 

"Yeah. Ok," I mumble, getting up and heading to the bedroom to get my bag. 

"What’s wrong?" Patrick asks, following me in and I shake my head. 

"I’m fine. Just freaked still," I say and he takes my clothes that I am stuffing in my bag and sets it in for me. He turns to me and grips my shaking hands and kisses my forehead. 

"We’ll figure it out. You’ll be fine," He says, smoothing my hair back and I swallow, nodding and turning to zip up my bag. 

"Let’s go get it over with," I say and he follows me out of the room. 

When we get to the apartment, the maintenance is finishing up my replacement window. The place is still trashed because we didn’t touch it last night so when I see it, I want to cry. 

The maintenance leaves and Patrick pulls me into my room and into my bathroom. 

"I want you to take a bath while I clean up-"

"What? No. I’ll help you-"

"No," He interrupts me and holds his hand up. I glare slightly and he leans in and kisses me softly. "You’re still really freaked out. I want you to relax. I’ll clean up and deal with the security system guys when they get in."

"But-" I start and bite my lip. He shakes his head and leans over to start the water. He sets it to a high temperature like I like it and kisses my forehead before leaving the room. 

I sigh, feeling the water and immediately give in. I’ve been dreading having to clean up what the intruder left for me and Patrick knows it. I strip off my clothes and pour some oils in the water before stepping in and laying back. I close my eyes and let the water rise over my chilled skin and I try to drift. 

Instead I think of what ifs. I frown, sitting up and bring my knees to my chest. He’s putting in a security system and putting up bars Even if they come back, they couldn’t get in. There’s no way. 

I bite my lip and reach for my phone that’s sitting on the side of the tub and I bring up the google search and start exploring real estate offices in the area. Maybe somewhere uptown. 

I save a few of the high rated ones and I decide to get out of the tub and throw on some sweats and tshirt and go find Patrick. 

I find him by the door, speaking to a short man about the box that has just been screwed into my wall. 

"Patrick?" I ask, crossing my arms over my chest and approach them. The man pauses and they both turn their attention to me and Patrick offers his hand to me. 

"Hey, babe. This is the system they’re putting in. They need a code to install for you to enter every time you come in," He says and I turn to the man. He has me enter four numbers into the keypad and he presses a few others to set it. 

"Ok, it’s good to go. I have a sensor at the window by the fire escape and the door. Every time you unlock the door, you’ll have to hit the code into the keypad. If it’s forced open, an alarm will go off and the police will be notified," He explains and shakes our hands. He leaves and I go and sit on my ruined couch. The apartment is more clean since Patrick put me in the bathroom. Nothing is necessarily put away, but they’re stacked and organized and out of the way. 

"You feel any better?" He asks, sitting beside me and pushing my wet hair out of my face. 

"Yeah," I nod, pulling out of my phone with the real estate contact information open in my notes. "I dug up some information so we can start looking for a house. Or condo. Whichever," I shrug and he laces his fingers with mine as he scrolls through them. 

"Are you sure you want to do this? I’d feel better, but I don’t want to force you into it," He mumbles, realizing he was a little pushy before, but I lean my head on his shoulder and nod. 

"Yeah. I’m ready," I say and he sighs, kissing my head and taps his thumb over the name of a woman that works for one of the real estate branch. 

"We’ll call her in the morning and talk about meeting with her," He says and I nod. "Now, let’s go out for some dinner and then go buy you some new furniture?" He offers and I laugh, shrugging. 

~*~

"What about this one?" Patrick asks me exactly one week later. I look down at the print out of a condo he was looking at and I make a face at the typical suburban look of it. 

"No," I sigh, looking down at my own stack. He’s leaving tomorrow and everything sucks and I want to cry and all he wants to do is look at houses and all I wanna do is just be with him. Without the worry. But here we are. Looking at print outs of houses that are way too domestic. 

"What’s wrong?" Patrick sighs, setting his stack aside and turning to me and I hold back my groan. "You won’t even agree to look at any of these. Our agent has been finding as much as she can and all you’re doing is refusing."

"Patrick we’ve walked through at least a dozen. We keep going through these stupid print out," I toss my stack beside his on the table and I stand up, running a hand through my hair and I plop down on the couch. "You’re leaving tomorrow. Can’t we take a break and just be together for tonight?" I whine and he sighs, getting up and following me onto the couch. 

"I just want us to cover as much ground as we can before I leave. I don’t want to worry," He mumbles, pulling my legs over his lap and I lean my head on his chest.

"I get what you’re saying, but this isn’t what I had in mind for your time off," I say against his white skin and he kisses my forehead, rubbing his hand over my arm.

"Ok," He says. "We’ll set it aside. But when I’m gone, you’re gonna take me through the houses you walk through via FaceTime," He says and I laugh. 

"Agreed," I say, sitting up to throw a leg over his lap and I straddle him. He raises his eyebrows at me expectantly and I smile, settling back and sitting against knees. 

"So what do you have in mind for my last night here?" He asks me and I lift a hand to tap against my chin as I ponder. He chuckles at my expression and plays with my free hand. I look to my right and stare out the window. It’s raining and I watch the water drip over the roof over my balcony and stream over the edge. The moon is bright and it illuminates the shadows and I think back to the night of the break in. How we had planned on opening my glass door so we could hear and smell the rain while we layer on my mattress and ate junk food. I smile, turning back to him.

"Let’s drag out my mattress, open the doors, lay out and eat ice cream," I whisper, leaning down and pressing my lips to his. He smiles against my mouth and runs his hands under my shirt and up my back, making a satisfied noise at the bottom of his throat. 

"That sounds great," He sighs and we get up to get my bed. 

It’s heavy and awkward, but we get out eventually. We have to move my couch back against my bookcase, and then I go into my closet in my room and get as many extra blankets as I can carry while Patrick picks out the movie and gets the gelato out of the fridge. When I finish making the bed, I open the glass door and walk out, lifting my hand to catch the water that’s streaming over the edge. 

I hear Patrick put a movie in and the beginning credits of Star Wars begins to play and I roll my eyes.  At least it’s not Ghostbusters. 

"Babe," He says and I smile, turning to join him on the bed. We lean our backs against the couch and cuddle under the blankets. I shove a large spoonful of ice cream into my mouth and roll my eyes at the movie. 

"We’ve seen this a billion times," I mumble and he grins over at me. 

"It gets better every time," He says and I roll my eyes, leaning against him and snuggling under his arm that is wrapped over my shoulders. I continue to eat my ice cream and when I’m out, I set the carton beside his empty one on the floor. 

To do this, I have to reach over him and when I go to settle back down beside him, I pause and kiss his neck. At first it’s just a peck, but when I glance at the tv and see the movie I have seen countless times with him, I run my lips over his jaw. I press my lips to the skin under his ear and take his lobe between my teeth. 

"Patrick," I breath, running my hand up his chest and neck to cup his cheek, turning his face to me so I can kiss him. 

"Babe," He mumbles against my lips and tries to pull away but I bite down on his bottom lip to keep from pulling away.

"No, kiss me," I whine and he laughs, pulling back and running a hand over my hair and turning back to the tv.

"This is a good part, though," He says and I glare, taking both his cheeks in my hands and making him look at me. I’m holding his face so tightly that his lips are squished in a lazy pucker and he’s rolling his eyes at me. 

"Are you serious right now?" I growl. "You can watch this anytime. You’re not gonna see me for like, a whole month," I say and he sighs loudly, pulling his face from my hands and he pushes me on my back. 

"Jesus, fine. If I’m so desirable to you," He laughs and I pout up at him. He hovers over me and takes in my expression and relaxes. "I’m sorry," He says and I run my hand down his shoulder and over his bicep.

"I’m just going to miss you," I say quietly and he nods, leaning down to kiss me. He plays with my lips and I feel every inch of his body pressed to mine. I breath him in with the rain that is falling right outside the door. The air is cool against my skin, but his hands run over me and warm me. 

His lips leave mine to kiss my cheeks and move down my throat and I think to myself, with the soft sounds of rain and Star Wars in the background, that I will remember this moment. Every detail. The smell, the sounds, the temperature. The way he feels against me and the way he kisses me and loves me. The way he tastes and the way I feel for him. 

His hands push my shirt up and I let him pull it over my head. I look up at him lazily and all humor is gone from his eyes and all he sees is me. He leans back down and kisses me again, softly. Holding me close and tangling his hands in my hair to cradle the back of my head. 

"I love you so much," He whispers to me in the dark and when I say it back, I lock this moment in the back of my mind. To think back on when I need to. To hold close to my heart a decade from now. Three decades from now. 

It’s times like this that I live for. These tiny moments that make me feel alive and loved. Who knows what will happen. Who knows if it’ll last, I don’t care. 

Because I’m with him and I love him. And no one can take this feeling away from me. 


	8. It's Perfect

"Come meet us on tour in two weeks," He says from the passenger seat on the way to the airport. "Just for the weekend, or something," He adds, taking my hand and I sigh, glancing over at him nodding. 

"We’ll see. I want to, but we’ll see," I say and he sighs, looking out the window. We woke up late and he’s not gonna have any time to really say goodbye when we get to the drop off and I pout a little. The two weeks went by too fast and was interrupted way too often. I didn’t get to do nearly enough with him and now he’s leaving again. It’s hard. It sucks. 

When we get to the airport, I park the car at the drop off and I get out, helping him unload his bags to set on a cart thing and when it’s all stacked, he turns to me with his lip caught between his teeth. 

"Stop," I mumble, walking into his arms and he sighs, hugging me tightly. I bury my face in his neck and I breath him in, locking him in the corner of my mind. My fingers grip into his jacket and I let a few tears soak into his shirt before he pulls back just slightly to kiss me. 

"Hey, it’s ok. It’s ok, I promise, we can do this," He tells me and hugs me again. I close my eyes and hold him tight. I’ll miss his warmth. His smell. 

"This sucks," I say and he nods against my hair. 

"I know. I know. But we can do this," He says and smooths my hair back and leans down to kiss me again. I never want to stop kissing him. I want us to never be apart. I love him so much. 

"You have to go," I grumble against his lips and he frowns, nodding and wiping away my tears with his thumbs. He gives me a tight smile and kisses my forehead before hugging me once more. 

"I love you, Brin. So much. Find a place for us and after tour, we’ll hoard up in our very own home and never leave," He whispers and I chuckle, nodding and he gives me a cocky half smile. 

"Alright," I say. He gently strokes my cheek and steps back.

"Call me when you land," I order him and he nods, squeezing my hand. His fingers play with mine and he steps back to me, kissing my cheeks over and over and I giggle a little, gripping his biceps as he runs his lips over my skin. 

"Babe," I laugh lightly and pulling back. His plane is leaving soon and he’s still gotta go through check in. He shakes his head, playing with my hands and kissing my lips. I smile, leaning in and kissing one last time. I kiss him deeply and I rise up on my tip toes while I tangle my arms around his neck and hold him close. When I pull away, his eyes are closed and I smile weakly, pecking his lips a few more times before letting him go. 

I breath deeply and I cross my arms, watching him walk away from me. Again. When he gets to the doors, he turns to me once more to give me one last smile. I swallow back my tears and give him a smile, wave him off before he turns from me and enters the doors. 

Fuck, this sucks. This more than sucks. This is purely painful. I sigh, getting in my car and heading towards the highway. 

My phone rings not very long after I leave and I see it’s the realtor. She tells me she has found a townhouse in an area I liked and was wondering if I’m available that afternoon. We decide to meet at the address on a few hours and take a look.

I stop and grab a pizza and head home when he calls me. 

"I miss you already," He says to me and I chuckle. 

"I miss you all the time," I say and he makes a pained noise. 

"Just throw responsibility to the wind and live life with me," He says and I shake my head, making it to my parking garage. 

"If only it were that easy," I say and he sighs heavily. 

"Two weeks is gonna be too long," He grumbles and I agree, heading down the stairs to the sidewalk and I begin my journey to my apartment building. 

"I know. I hate it," I say quietly and remember the townhouse. "On a brighter note, Sally found a townhouse for me to look at tonight. She says it’s in a good area," I say and he makes a satisfied noise. 

"Are you feeling optimistic?" He asks, laughing a little. 

"I’m ready to live with you," I mumble, embarrassed. He sighs on the other end. 

"Me too," He says and I smile a little, entering my building and going to my apartment. I put the code in when I walk in and drop the pizza box on the table. 

"Are you waiting for your plane?" I ask, getting a plate and settling on my couch to eat. 

"Yeah. Should be soon. Fuck, I wish you were with me," He says and I swallow. 

"Yeah, me too," I say and he sighs. I look down at my cooling pizza and listen to his breathing over the phone and I close my eyes, imagining he’s with me again. 

"They just called my flight," He says regretfully. 

"Ok, let me know when you land," I say, pouting a little. 

"You let me know how the townhouse goes," He orders. 

"But if I like it- You’ll need to see it-" I start, but he laughs, cutting me off. 

"If you like it, I’ll like it. Don’t worry about it getting my approval," He says. "I just want you safe," He adds and I nod, even though he can’t see me. 

"Ok," I say.

"I love you, baby," He tells me quietly and I smile slightly. 

"I love you too," I respond and he tells me goodbye before hanging up. 

A couple hours later, I am heading back to my car to go see the house. I’m running late, so I’m power walking down the street and running up the stairs of the parking garage, texting Sally that I’m running a few minutes behind. 

However, when I get to it, I see all my tires are flat, the rims hitting the cement. I stop in my tracks, staring, not believing my fucking luck. 

"What the hell," I groan, stomping to it and kicking the rims. "Ugh!" I growl, seeing the slashes in the rubber. Fucking hell. Fucking, fucking hell. Out of all the days some dip shit decides to vandalize my property, it’s today. Out of all the fucking days. 

I run give it one last glance before ordering a taxi and meeting it outside. The ride over to the townhouse, I call for a tow truck to bring it to a tire place and get it fixed. 

After a good 30 minute drive, we pull up outside a gray, window covered townhouse at the corner of a couple back streets. I pay the taxi driver and look up the 3 story home and swallow. Holy shit, it’s beautiful. 

"Brindley!" I hear Sally’s voice and I shake my amazement to go through the front gates and greet her at the door. 

"Sorry, my tires were slashed," I inform her and she looks at me worried. 

"No way!" She exclaims and I wave a hand. 

"No worries. Probably some asshole I cut off earlier or something," I say and she nods carefully, leading me inside. The ceiling is high. Beyond high. It rises over all floors and the windows let in the natural light in the most beautiful way. I shake my head, amazed by it all. 

"Holy shit," I say and she laughs. 

"It was just put up, the owner wanted to move south," She tells me and walks me through. It has 3 bedrooms, an office, 2 full baths and a half bath. A library, full sized kitchen, living room and entertainment room. It’s insane. Completely over my head amazing and I want it.

It’s very modern looking, which would appeal to Patrick and by the time we reach the back decks, I know I want this. I know he will want this. 

"So?" Sally smiles. "You want to discuss it with Patrick? Let me know by tomorrow?" She asks and I shake my head. Her face falls and I laugh. 

"Put in an offer immediately," I tell her and she looks at me surprised. 

"Are you serious?" She asks. "Patrick-"

"Will love it. Put the offer in," I say and she nods carefully, leading me back inside. 

"I’ll call you when I hear back from the owner’s realtor. Hopefully tomorrow morning?" She says and I agree, following her out of the house. 

She waits with me while I wait for my cab and soon I am on my way home. I smile the whole way. He will love it. It was fucking beautiful. It was so warm and open and comfortable. It felt right. I could see us living there for a very long time. 

My mind wonders to the multiple rooms and I think of children. We could start a family there. This could work for us. We could settle there. 

I text him all the photos I took, knowing he’ll get them as soon as his flight lands and I head straight to bed when I get dropped off. 

He wakes me up at 5am. 

"I’m here and holy smokes," He breaths and I smile sleepily. 

"I had her put an offer in," I yawn, closing my eyes and balancing the phone on my ear as I cuddle back into my blankets. 

"Are you serious?" He asks excitedly and I laugh lightly. 

"I am. It was so beautiful, Patrick," I sigh. "It was huge. Almost too huge, but it was so warm and bright and amazing," I say, biting my lip. "It has three bedrooms," I add. 

"It doesn’t matter, it could have one, I’d be happy," He laughs and I swallow. 

"Well in case we ever… you know. We’ll have the room," I say, embarrassed. I’m awake now. 

He’s silent for a moment and I can hear his breathing. He tells me to hang on as he tells his driver where to go before returning to me. 

"Brin," He breaths carefully and I worry I’ve said something wrong. I thought he wanted a family. Maybe it’s too soon? The miscarriage wasn’t very long ago, and I’m not ready by any means, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want kids… eventually?

"I don’t mean now, I’m just saying later-"

"No, stop freaking out. I’m happy. I’m so fucking happy right now," He says, laughing shakily and I sigh in relief. 

"Sorry, I just thought-"

"I love you, baby," He tells me. I can imagine him closing his eyes, smiling that cute, thin smile he has that he makes when he’s excited and filled with happiness. The smile he gives me all the time. 

"I love you," I say back. 

"Good," He laughs and I shake my head, taking the phone in my hand when I lay on my back, staring at my ceiling. "So did you have a good rest of the night at least?" He asks  and I bite my lip, debating whether or not to tell him about my car. He’s gonna be pissed if I don’t say anything and he finds out. Ugh.

"I mean, it was ok. My tires were slit though-"

"What?" He asks flatly. I cringe. 

"When I went to go meet Sally, my tires were all flat. Someone slit them. Probably just some asshole-"

"Your apartment was just broken into and you think it’s just some random asshole?" He questions and I sit, up, bringing my knees to my chest. 

"Patrick, it’s Chicago. It happens all the time."

"Brin," He sighs, frustrated. "Did you at least call the police?" He asks. 

"No, I just had it towed to the tire place," I say and he groans. 

"Baby, please call the cops. I’m begging you, let them check the tapes or something,  _please_ ,” He begs me and I roll my eyes. 

"Patrick-" I try to reason but he cuts me off again. 

"Humor me."

"And tell them what? ‘Hi yes, my tires were slit in a parking garage in the middle of Chicago.’ The whole fucking police department will laugh in my face," I say. 

"Call the fucking guy that took the report about your apartment. Just fucking having them check the tape!" He says and I sigh, shaking my head. 

"Fine!" I give in. "Fine, ok I’ll call the guy in the morning, ok? But it’s like, 5am and I’m sleepy so I’m going back to bed," I hiss and he makes a noise. 

"I don’t want to fight, I’m just scared-"

"I know," I say, rubbing my head and laying back down. "I’m sorry. I’ll call the police, ok? Just stop worrying," I say and he agrees. 

"I love you," He says and I say it back. 

I have a hard time sleeping after we hang up. 


	9. I’d Jump The Moon For You (Or The Ocean)

"Brin! Gotta go!" Taylor calls from the living room. I sigh, checking around my nearly empty room to make sure I have everything. Taylor drove over from Milwaukee and she’s coming with me to meet the guys in London. They only have one show over the weekend so the two week plan was more convenient than I originally thought.

"Coming!" I call back to her and zip up my carry on. I only have the one bag and a small suitcase so traveling shouldn’t be terrible. Additionally, most of my things are packed up.

We bought the house. We beat one other offer on it and they are allowing us to move in in a week or so. I smile to myself. It’s a relief, I’ll give him that. I haven’t had problems since the car, so I don’t feel threatened anymore by living here, but it’ll be nice to have my own home with Patrick. Even though he won’t be back for another month.

I sling my bag over my shoulder and head to the living room with my suitcase rolling behind me. Taylor smiles at me and leads me out silently.

"Got your papers?" She double checks when we load into the cab and I laugh, holding up my passport.

"So little faith," I shake my head at her and she sticks her tongue out at me.

We get through check in fairly quickly. It’s going to be an 11 hour flight so I double check to make sure I have my prescription meds to calm me down and knock me out hopefully the entire way.

"I’m gonna go grab some coffee, you want anything?" Taylor asks me when we sit down to wait for our flight to get called.

"Maybe some tea? Camomile?" I ask and she nods, heading to the Starbucks at the cafeteria.

While I’m alone, I decide to call Patrick.

"You going to be ok?" He laughs at my shaky greeting and I grunt in response.

"Hate planes," I say and slide down in my seat and stare out the windows. The sun is setting and the lighting reminds me of when I picked him up last month. How perfect it felt compared to my utter terror now.

"Hey, just think. I’m the prize at the end of the flight," He offers and I hear the stupid grin in his voice. I smile a little.

"Good thing I love you," I say and he chuckles softly.

"I love you too, babe. You’re gonna love it here. Seriously, it’s perfect weather."

"Better be. I’m not taking an 11 hour flight to be stuck in a hotel room all weekend."

"Well, come now, with me that wouldn’t be all bad," he teases and I shrug, smiling a little.

"I suppose," I contemplate in a voice dripping with sarcasm. I hear him let a loud laugh out and I grin, shaking my head.

I hear my flight number call and I sigh, sitting up and seeing Taylor heading towards me.

"Alright they just called our flight," I tell him and stand, taking my tea from her and heading to the gates.

"Ok, have a safe flight. Love you!" He sings and I smile, saying it back.

"You two are more disgusting than usual, this is gonna be glorious," Taylor comments and I shove my shoulder into hers as I shut my phone off.

"I’ll be sure to be extra repulsive while we’re there," I say and she rolls her eyes. "Don’t act like you and Andy will be any less puke worthy," I smirk at her and she shoves her middle finger in my face as we board.

As soon as we take our seats, I down my meds and sink into myself.

~*~

A car is waiting for us when we land. We are led out of the airport and ushered into a large SUV straight away and I text Patrick that we are on our way to their hotel. 

It’s in the middle of the night and I watch out the window to take in all the history that London has to offer for the first time. While it’s dark, there are still lights, keeping this city alive and beautiful.

"Can’t wait to see this place in the daytime," Taylor says from beside me and I laughing, nodding.

When we get to the hotel, I see Patrick immediately, waiting out on the front steps with an excited smile on his face. I step out and laugh at him, shaking my head and taking my bags from the driver. Taylor and I ascend the steps and I walk straight into his open arms. 

"I missed you," He sighs, kissing my head and I drop my bags, winding my arms around him and Taylor goes in ahead of us to meet Andy in the lobby. 

"I missed you more," I say, leaning back a bit to kiss his chin and he grins. 

"Not possible," He says and takes my bags before leading me inside. The hotel is beautiful, but I’m so jet lagged I can barely appreciate the artwork on the walls. We check in quickly and I follow him up to his room. 

"How’s the guys?" I ask, rummaging through my suitcase for my toothbrush and pajamas. 

"Good. Just exhausted," He yawns and I feel his heat against my back. His hands circle over my abdomen and I lean back against him. His lips rest against my neck and I lace my fingers with his. 

"I wish you could be home for the move in," I say and I feel him nod against my neck. I lay my head back against his shoulder and he tightens his arms around me, hugging me tightly. 

"Just one more month," He says and I sigh, turning in his arms and raising my hands to tangle in his hair. He gives me a half smile, his eyes scrunching a little and I think about how I forget these tiny details when he’s away for so long. It scares me. 

"What happens when we both go on separate tours?" I ask and he frowns. We never talk about the future like this. But we need to. We can hardly handle this and I’m not even on the road. We get to see each other more than we would if we were both traveling at the same time. 

"Let’s not worry about that now. Let’s enjoy the weekend, ok?" He says in a small voice and I decide he’s right. I need to stop worrying all the time. 

"I’m sorry. Long flight," I chuckle awkwardly, sliding my arms down and stepping back. I grab my toothbrush and pj’s once again and disappear into the bathroom. I’m so exhausted even though I slept for a good 9 hours. 

Once I’m done changing and brushing my teeth, I step out into the room. He’s laying on the bed, back against the headboard and he’s watching something on the TV. 

I set my glasses on the side table and climb in beside him, curling up and resting my head on his stomach while he plays with my hair. 

"Tomorrow I’ll take you to a few museums, a few restaurants, maybe?" He offers. "We have a show nine , but we’ll have most of the day to ourselves."

"Sounds lovely," I say, lifting his shirt a little and kissing his pale skin. 

"You know, since you’re here and all, maybe we could play Reaching? Maybe even a couple others like Just One Yesterday or something," He says, talking about the song we did together earlier in the year. 

"Sure," I agree, sitting up and taking the remote from him. He raises and eyebrow at me and I shut the TV off. "Now. I just flew over the ocean for you," I tell him and he smirks, taking the end of a piece of my long hair that has fallen towards him and he twists it around his finger. 

"Indeed, you did," He says, pulling me towards him. 

"And I missed you," I whisper, brushing my lips against his and I feel his hands reach behind me and run up my back. 

"I missed you more," He tells me, kissing the corner of my mouth as his fingers unhook my bra from beneath my shirt and I lift my arms to let him pull both from my body. 

"Not possible," I shake my head, leaning forward to frame his face in my hands and I press my lips to his fully. He makes a small sound in the back of his throat and I move my hips over his as I lift his shirt. 

I may be a little more aggressive than usual. I blame it on stress. I haven’t had a break since he left and living in the apartment is terrifying to be frank. 

He feels my tense body and pulls away, moving a piece of hair from my face. 

"Hey, what’s wrong?" His voice is soft and I close my eyes, wanting to lay in it forever. 

"I’m just glad I’m with you," I say, brushing off the concern and I press my lips to his again. He’s hesitant but kisses me back eventually, letting me take control. I push his shoulders flush to the headboard and I bite his lip, running my nails down his bare chest. He pulls away, letting his head fall back and his eyes close and I move off to undress completely. 

"Fuck, Brin," He groans as I climb back into the bed and I kiss the patch of skin beneath his belly button. I nuzzle the soft skin and I feel his hand reach down and tangle in my hair, pulling a little to move me up. I climb over him, letting him anchor himself since his back is pressed to the headboard. He buries his face in my neck and I bite my lip as I lower myself over him. 

~*~

I wake up with the sun on my face and his warmth surrounding me. Smiling, I bury my nose into his chest and tighten my arms around him, waking him a little. 

He moans lightly, not wanting to get up, but I wanna spend as much time with him as I possibly can. Conscious. 

"Wake up," I whisper, kissing his jaw and smiling at the light poke of his morning beard. 

"More sleep," He mumbles, shoving a hand in my face and pushing my head back into his pillow. 

"No, I leave tomorrow!" I say, sitting up and pulling on his arm. "We don’t have long!" I whine and he sighs, sitting up with me and pushes me back so he’s laying on me. 

"Sleep," He says and I frown. I let him lay there for a good 10 minutes before I get sick of it and I text Pete, giving him full permission to break in since we got dressed before we fell asleep last night and I want to get up.

WIthout disappointment, I hear a click at the door, then silence for a few seconds before the door is flung open and Pete is flying through the room and jumping on us on the bed. 

Patrick yells in shock and I slip off the sheets while Wentz does his thing and I smile, escaping to the bathroom to shower. I do so quickly, wanting to get the day going and when I finish up and go back into the bedroom wrapped in the hotel’s robe to grab clothes, Patrick is sitting on Pete who is laying facedown in the bed. 

"How the hell did you even get in here?" He growls down at him and I smile, going through my suitcase. 

"Hi Brin," Pete says and I nod at him.

"Hello Peter," I giggle and Patrick raises an eyebrow at us. 

"Seriously, how’d you get in," He asks. 

"Marcus has a key to all the rooms and he works for me, sooo," Pete grins at me and I try to hide my smile as I go back into the bathroom to get ready. 

Not long after, Patrick comes into the bathroom to shower and he kisses the back of my neck before slipping out of his boxers. 

"What’s the plan?" I ask when he’s behind the shower curtain. I finish up my make up and take my hair out of the towel and debate cutting it. 

"Food. Museums. Show. Bedtime. Food. More bedtime?" He offers and I laugh. 

"Perfect," I say, brushing out my tangles.

"You know we have time, you could join me," He offers, sticking his head out from behind the curtain and I go to protest before seeing his soaped up head and I grin. He’s adorable, I can’t resist. Who would of thought I’d fall in love with a 5 foot 4 man with mass amounts of bubbles scrubbed into his head and a boyish grin. 

"I just did my make up," I frown. Well I try to at least. 

"You don’t have to get wet," He laughs and I sigh, rolling my eyes and dropping my robe. 

"You know that’s not gonna happen but the offer is too tempting to resist," I say, spinning around and hopping into the shower with him. 


	10. Liar Liar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SO SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG

"Wait so you’ve never done a tour overseas before?" I’ve been getting questioned since I got to the venue for the show tonight. I’ve been catching up with everyone but Joe, who is picking his wife up at the airport. 

"I’ve only ever been to Canada," I laugh as Pete looks around in shock.

"She’s just a baby," Andy says from his place at the food table and I chuck a pillow from the couch I’m sitting on, at him. 

"I’m not a baby, you’re just super old," I counter and he rolls his eyes, grinning a little. 

"I’m seasoned," He corrects, holding up a finger and I laugh, shaking my head as Patrick comes into the room and laces his fingers with mine. 

"Wanna warm up with me?" He asks and I nod, grabbing for my water bottle. 

"Yeah, sure, warm up," Pete pipes up and Patrick rolls his eyes and drags me from the room. 

We settle in a smaller dressing room and as I run my scales, he begins his routine of Nat King Cole and Phil Collins. 

I smile, fading off my vocals and I close my eyes, listening to him for a moment. 

"And from the way that I feel when the bell starts to peel," He looks over at me and raises an eyebrow since I have stopped. He walks over as he sings and leans down to my level at the couch and gives me a crooked smile. "I would swear I was falling, I could swear I was falling-" He leans his forehead to mine and I smile.

"It’s almost like being in love," He finishes and he leans forward to press his lips to mine.

"Well that was gag worthy," I hear Joe say from the door and we pull apart and I throw the throw pillow at him.

"You’re a dick," I laugh, feeling my cheeks warming as Patrick steps back, shaking his head with a smile and starting on In The Air Tonight. 

"Nice to see you too," Joe says and walks into the room fully to give me a hug. I congratulate him on the baby and he nods a thank you. 

"I hear you’re doing a few songs with us tonight?" He asks and I push my hair away from my face and nod. 

"Yeah, a few. Haven’t been on stage since the tour so it’ll be refreshing," I say.

"You’ll be great as always. I’ll let you finish warming up, though. See you side stage?" He asks and I nod, waving him off. 

I turn when the door is shut and Patrick is sitting back on the couch, eyeing me. I give him a small smile and take a seat beside him. 

"So how’s the living situation?" He asks, reaching for my hand and I shrug. 

"Lot’s of packing and online shopping," I chuckle and lean my head on his shoulder. 

"My furniture should be at the condo sometime next week, I think," He says. "So everything ok at your apartment? No more disturbances?" He asks, rubbing his thumb over mine and I shake my head. 

"Nope. Nothing," I say, getting up and checking my phone for the time. 

"Did you ever hear back about the tire slashing?" He asks and my throat tightens. I bite my lip and with perfect timing, Pete begins banging on the door and telling us it’s show time. 

"Time to go," I laugh breathlessly and I see his eyebrows lower in question as I open the door to go. "Come on," I say nodding to the hall and he sighs, getting up and taking my hand, leading me out towards the stage. 

I watch him take his place in the middle and as the night goes on, I can tell he’s stressed. He’s not as enthusiastic as normal and it almost seems like he’s doing it as routine. Mechanical. Not that the crowd would tell.

Joe gives me a look and I know he notices it, too. I frown, biting my lip and looking at the floor as they move into another song. 

As Just One Yesterday begins, Diez gives me my mic and turns on my earpiece. 

When I walk out on stage, I walk straight to Patrick and absorb the roars that are hitting me from the crowd. His arm comes around me and I kiss his cheek and he smiles as I turn to the audience and sing for them. I feel him relax a bit and I smile, relaxing alongside him. 

~*~

Later that night, after drinks with Trohman and catching up with the rest of the guys, Jack, and Marcus, Patrick drags me back to our hotel room. I smile, wrapping my arms around his arm and rest my head on his shoulder as we take the elevator up. His hands hook with mine and he kisses my forehead. I snuggle closer. I feel warm and fuzzy. Probably half due to being buzzed, but mostly because he’s with me.

When the elevator stops on our floor, he leads me to the room and helps me with my coat. I kick off my heals and head for the bed, pulling my hair out of its bun. I took a quick shower at the venue after the show. As did Patrick. We both sweat too much on stage. 

“You should stay for a few more days,” He sighs, following me to the bed and I crawl in, resting my head on the pillow. 

“I can’t,” I sigh, snuggling into the warmth and reveling as he lays down beside me and presses his body to mine. “Jay and I are going to start the final recordings next week. Alicia is coming into the city and everything for the tracks,” I mumble, turning over to face him and he wraps his arm around me and presses me tight to his front. He frowns, leaning down to press his lips to my throat. I sigh, lifting my chin to give him more access. 

“Just one more day,” He begs softly against my ear and I pout, lifting my leg to drape of his hip and hug him tightly to me. 

“I’ll take a red eye tomorrow night,” I say and he lets a breath of defeat out against my skin and I feel him nod. I kiss his stubbled cheek and I feel his hands run under my shirt and I close my eyes, enjoying the feel of his fingers massaging my skin. I relax and let him touch me. He pulls away just slightly to look at me and whispers something I can’t comprehend because I’m drifting into sleep with his warmth surrounding me. 

~*~

I wake up to cold. Frowning, I sit up and rub the sleep from my eyes and I hear Patrick talking in the other room. I listen for a moment and I realize he’s on the phone and he sounds frustrated. The wavering of his voice tells me he’s pacing and I sigh, getting up to see what’s happened. 

When he sees me enter the room, he frowns and I get a tingle in my chest. Uh oh. 

“She’s awake, I’ll tell her. Yeah she’ll be on the next flight,” He says and turns his back to me. “Jay, I got it ok? Get the report and keep me updated,” He says and hangs up. 

“What’s going on?” I ask immediately and he runs his hand through his hair and turns back to me with dark eyes. 

“Did you report the tires, Brin?” He asks accusingly and I freeze, biting my lip. 

“What?” I sputter because I’m too much of a coward to come right out and say it. 

“The alarm at your apartment was triggered last night and there was some damage to the door. Jay was alerted when you didn’t answer,” He says and I cringe, wanting to cry.

“I didn’t report the slashed tires,” I admit, pacing away from him, not wanting to see his reaction. Dammit he’s gonna kill me. 

"What do you mean you didn’t report the slashed tires? Brin, you told me you’d report it," He tells me in a low, tense voice. He takes a step towards me and I tense. He’s pissed. 

"I didn’t see the point. By the time I remembered that you wanted me to call on it, I felt like it was just too late. Patrick, it’s Chicago-"

"Brin, I know it’s fucking Chicago. I grew up in Chicago. I asked you to report it and you didn’t. You have someone fucking with you, why does it seem like such a far fetched thing that the person that broke in was the same person that slashed your tires? All I wanted you to do was report it and maybe get some eyes on the place, maybe they could have caught the guy this time. Dammit, I’ve been out of the country for weeks and-” I reach for him, cutting him off and he shakes his head, waving his hands at me. He’s freaking out. And he won’t let me explain. I have nothing to explain. I fucked up again. 

“I’m sorry,” I say, not knowing what else to do. 

“I want you in the new house immediately. Get some overnight shit from the apartment when you get back and then I want you out of there, do you hear me?” He points at me and I frown, crossing my arms. 

“I fucking hear you, don’t be such a dick. You can’t talk to me like that,” I sneer and he takes a few breaths. 

“Just get out of there, ok? Looks like your taking your early flight after all,” He says coldly and walks passed me to begin packing my things. 

Great.


	11. Familiar Faces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: VIOLENCE/BLOOD

My cab pulls up outside my apartment later that night. Way later. Like 2am late. I caught the earliest flight I could and met with the detective as soon as I got in and heard what had happened. Nothing extravagant, just that the person had tried to pry my door open and when the alarm went off, they beat the shit out of my entrance and ditched. 

I pay the cab driver and accept his offer to help get my things from the trunk. I nod my thanks and make my way into my building for the last time. I’m out tomorrow morning. I’ll gather some things, get some sleep and leave. My dream apartment has now become a nightmare and I’m forced to abandon it. 

Patrick refused to talk to me all the way to the airport when I was leaving. He just soundlessly held my hand the entire way and kept me writhing in the awkward silence. He did hug me before I left him though. He told me loved me and told me to call him when I got in. He told me he loved me. At least there’s that. After everything I’d done. Or in this case, not done. 

When I open the door to my apartment, I try to ignore the gashes in the wood. The obvious anger the intruder felt. I sigh, putting my code into the keypad and I throw my purse on the table and hang my coat on the chair. I tried to call Patrick when I left the police station but he didn’t answer and he hasn’t called me back. I feel like I should try him one more time before I get ready for bed. Make sure we’re ok. 

I bite my lip and dial his phone. I almost think he won’t pick up as the rings drag on and then his voice comes through. 

"Brin," He sighs and I close my eyes, sitting on the couch. 

"Please talk to me," I say softly and he doesn’t respond. 

“Just get out of there,” He says and I bite my lip. 

“I am. I promise. I’m just gonna get some sleep and-“

“No. Now. I want you out of that fucking apartment before something bad happens, do you hear me?” He says and I breath.

“Patrick, I just sat on a plane all god damn day and then another 2 hours at the station. It’s 2am. I’m gonna get some sleep first,” I mumble, hoping he won’t yell at me. 

“First thing tomorrow,” He says and I take a little sigh of relief that he doesn’t fight me. 

“First thing,” I nod.

“Ok. I have to go,” He says. 

"But I- we just started-" I argue but he makes a noise to stop me. 

"I’ll call you tomorrow. I have to go," He states finally and I sigh. 

"Fine," I mumble and he is quiet for a moment. 

"I love you," He says and I bite my lip. 

"Don’t be mad at me," I say in a small voice and he chuckles softly. 

"I’m not," He says. 

"You are," I argue. 

"Ok, I am. Only a little. Just get out of there, babe. Ok?" He asks. 

"Ok," I pout. 

"Ok. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

"Alright. I love you," I say finally and we hang up. I tilt my head back on the back of the couch and close my eyes. Fucking hell. I just wish he was here. I just wish he could be with me when I officially moved in and made it my home. Because it isn’t just mine, it’s ours.  

I bring my hands up to rub my forehead because I have a raging headache by now and my senses are blurring. So tired. What a shit day. 

I let the sound of the wind outside lull me. I relax and concentrate on the city sounds. I don’t even hear the creak from the hallway.

"How sweet," I hear a familiar voice. My entire body freezes and my eyes pop open. I know that voice. I fucking know it. I feel my breath catch in my throat and I try to swallow the monster that has climbed up into my throat, but it won’t budge. I know that voice.

I sit up slowly and turn to him, my ears flooding with a raging noise only I can hear. My eyes are blurring and I blink back my panicked tears.

"Steven," I breath. My ex-boyfriend. The one that not only told me I was a loser, but broke my hand in the process. I feel like I’m going to throw up. He looks different. Older. His hair is longer, his skin is darker. He looks… harder. 

"You know, your habits never change," He says, walking fully into the living room from the hall. He tosses a marlboro pack on the couch beside me and I flinch, looking down to see my spare set of keys fall out. I always kept the spare in my car’s glovebox, hidden in the empty marlboro pack. I blink back my scared tears and I look back up at him silently. "You always use the same code for everything. Wasn’t hard to guess once I knew you got the thing put in.” He laughs. “Really threw me when those alarms started screeching.”

He stops walking in front of me and grins down into my face. He rocks back on his heals and shrugs giddily. 

"Speechless?" He asks excitedly and plops down beside me on the couch and my body is as stiff as a board. I don’t respond and he makes an offended noise. "Not even gonna say hi?" He whines and leans forward to look at my face. I frown, afraid to know what made him like this. He winks and sits back, crossing his ankles. "I thought I’d at least get a ‘Steven, how have you been!" He exclaims loudly and he stands again, walking to my sliding glass doors to look out over the dark city. 

My gaze flicks to my purse where I can see Jay’s pocket knife peaking out and I swallow, wondering if I could grab it. When I glance back at Steven, I see the outline of a knife in his back pocket. 

"You’re being rude, Brin," He comments, turning to me with an eyebrow raised. "I’m thirsty. Been waiting for your sweet little ass all night. Got any beer?" He asks and I slowly nod, not wanting to piss him off. When I stay still he makes an impatient noise and rolls his eyes. "Good. Get me a fuckin beer then," He commands and I cringe, standing up slowing on shaking legs and I go over to the kitchen. Slowly, I open the door of my fridge. I look for a possible weapon but he calls for me to hurry up and I ponder breaking the bottle. The cool glass is hard against my skin and I grip it tightly. No, if I fuck up, I’m dead. 

Hell, I could be dead already. 

His back his turned when I approach and I blindly reach out and grab the pocket knife that is laying by my purse and slip it into my back pocket. He turns to me when I come up behind him and takes the beer. When I don’t move, he commands me to sit back down. 

He cracks open the beer and takes a long swig before turning to me. 

"So," He smiles. "Done well for yourself huh?" He asks and pulls a chair from my kitchen table and sets it in front of me with the back towards me. He straddles it and tilts his head. I’m shaking. 

"I guess," I mumble and he smiles meanly and takes another drink. 

"Must feel nice that I was wrong, huh?" He laughs and I stay silent and still. "My parents never let me hear the end of it. They won’t even talk to me anymore!" He grunts, shaking his head. He tosses me the half empty bottle of beer. "Drink it," He says and I hesitate before taking a small sip. 

He takes it back when I don’t drink anymore and rolls his eyes. 

"Sorry bout trashing the place. Your boyfriend thought he could lock me out with a fucking umbrella and I lost my temper," He says and gets up. 

"What are you doing, Steven," I ask quietly and he turns to me, tilting his head again. 

"What am I doing?" He chuckles darkly and I watch his every move. I feel the curve of the pocket knife in my pocket and I itch to grip it.

"Why are you fucking with me?" I say evenly, trying to hide my fear. 

"Oh, I’m not fucking with you," He grins and rests his fists on his hips. "I’m just paying you back," he explains with a smile. 

"…For?" I ask hesitantly and he sighs loudly, taking the knife out of his back pocket. I freeze and prepare myself for an attack and he starts talking, counting off his fingers with the tip of his knife. 

"When we broke up, your hand or wrist or whatever broke when I hit you. People talked and all of a sudden I was the abusive boyfriend," He points the knife at me and I say nothing. "When you and your guard dog’s shitty main stream song went viral, I was the failure in the family," He counts off on another finger. "Never heard the end of it. Always got jabs for it. The song wasn’t even that great!" He groans and turns to me. "No offense," He adds and continues to pace. "So basically my parents stopped talking to me. They stopped helping me and my bills started piling," He shrugs. "Lost my job. Barely getting by with my part time gig. And then!" He booms and I jump. He turns to me fast and I feel like I’m going to throw up. "And then," He sighs, stepping towards me and bending a little. "You are fucking Fall Out Boy," He smiles and shakes his head. "Fucking Fall Out Boy!" He yells. "I’m over here, broke as fuck, my family thinks I’m a failure, and you’re raking in the money and fucking a Fall Out Boy!" He yells at me and shakes his head. "You were supposed to fail! You were never supposed to succeed! No one ever gets a break when they quit school and try to do music! No one! And you did! Fuck you!" He rages and kicks over the chair that is still sitting in front of me. I jump and suddenly he is crowding me. His face is close to mine and I move back against the back of the couch and I feel the tip of the knife poking against my throat. 

"Please," I breath desperately and he laughs lightly, running the blade against my skin. 

"Begging already? Damn, I thought you were more stubborn than that," He chuckles and shakes his head. He pulls back and runs a hand through my hair. I close my eyes and bite my lip and try to push the tears down. His fingers grip the back of my head tight and he pulls me up. 

When he begins to lead me towards the hallway, I know this is gonna be it. He’s taking me in there to do it. To finish this. And fear takes over me. Adrenaline grips at me and I find myself throwing my entire body against his and crashing us into the wall against framed pictures. They break and fall and stab at his side. His knife falls, but his hand is still gripping my hair and I make a pained noise as he drags me to the ground. 

"You fucking cunt," He growls loudly and climbs on top of me. "You never fucking listen. You never fucking cooperate," He yells in my face and bangs my head against the ground. I see stars and I try to get a grip on my surroundings. I reach for my knife in my back pocket and he catches it, taking the knife from my hand and tossing it towards the living room. "You fucking kidding me?! You think you can just pull a shitty pocket knife on me!?" He laughs maniacally and I feel his fingers wrap around my throat and tighten.

"No-" I gasp as they tighten over my windpipe and I try to breath. It hurts and I and my vision crosses.

"I don’t need a fucking knife to do this," He grins and tightens his hold even more. My muscles feel tight and my eyes are watering. It’s then that I think this is the end. This is it. He’s crushing my windpipe. My vision is going black. I’m done. It’s done…

_“Patrick, I’m just going to miss you,” I say quietly and he nods, leaning down to kiss me. He plays with my lips and I feel every inch of his body pressed to mine. I breath him in with the rain that is falling right outside the door. The air is cool against my skin, but his hands run over me and warm me._

_His lips leave mine to kiss my cheeks and move down my throat and I think to myself, with the soft sounds of rain and Star Wars in the background, that I will remember this moment. Every detail. The smell, the sounds, the temperature. The way he feels against me and the way he kisses me and loves me. The way he tastes and the way I feel for him._

_His hands push my shirt up and I let him pull it over my head. I look up at him lazily and all humor is gone from his eyes and all he sees is me. He leans back down and kisses me again, softly. Holding me close and tangling his hands in my hair to cradle the back of my head._

_"I love you so much," He whispers to me in the dark and when I say it back, I lock this moment in the back of my mind. To think back on when I need to. To hold close to my heart a decade from now. Three decades from now._

_It’s times like this that I live for. These tiny moments that make me feel alive and loved. Who knows what will happen. Who knows if it’ll last? I don’t care._

_Because I’m with him and I love him. And no one can take this feeling away from me._

Tears stream down my face and I stare up into Steven’s dark eyes. I’m losing it, but the memory is choking me more than Steven is. 

_Patrick,_ I think to myself. His face clear in my mind. He is everything. I can’t die here. He doesn’t deserve this. I don’t deserve this. 

Blindly, I reach out over the ground, trying to find something. Anything. Something is raging through my head and I can’t hear anything. I can barely see anything. All I can do is reach. My fingers play over the smooth surface of broken glass from the broken frames and I grip it tightly. It’s long and sharp and I feel the edge of it bite into the skin of my palm and fingers. The blood soaks my hand, but I feel no pain. 

I gasp again when he grips harder and without thinking, my hand flies. 

I watch his eyes go wide. I watch them go blank. I watch the blood fall and I watch him fall. His hands free me and I lay there gasping for air. He lays motionless beside me and I know what I have done.  

“I’m sorry,” I cough tearfully. Without looking, I sit up and crawl to the couch to get my phone and call 911. When I relay the information and hang up, I lay on the ground, refusing to look at the hallway. I look straight up at the ceiling, wanting to call Patrick, but everything goes black. 

**.Patrick.**

"Patrick, your phone keeps going off," Andy mumbles, rubbing his face from sleep. Patrick left it in the back of the bus to charge and with a sigh, he goes to see what the big deal is. It’s 3am in Chicago, he doesn’t know what she could be calling for. She should be sleeping. 

But it isn’t Brin. It’s Jay. With his eyebrows furrowed and a sick feeling deep in his gut, he answers.

"Hello?" He mumbles with his eyes closed and Jay’s panicked breathing hits his ears. He doesn’t need to say anything to know that something happened. He reaches for the couch and sits down. "Jay, what happened," His voice catches and he hears a broken cry on the other end from Jay trying to keep it together, but failing. 

"The police called me because I’m her emergency contact. I don’t know what the fuck happened, man, I’m on my way to the hospital. They said he had a set of keys and didn’t set the alarm off-"

"He who, Jay?” Patrick stands, trying to keep himself from losing it. His heart is pounding in his ears and his vision is spotting. He’s scared. He begins stuffing a bag with his clothes and grabbing the essentials. He’ll have to have Marcus take him to the airport. He’s still got the phone to his ear when he starts walking to the front and Jay isn’t saying anything, just mumbling. "Fucking talk to me, man, I’m gonna freak out-" He stops himself and chokes a little, closing his eyes and falling against the counter in the kitchen. Pete looks up from his spot at the table, worried and stands, offering his help and Patrick buries his face in his hands. 

"Dude-" Pete starts, but Jay finally continues. 

"Steven. He knew where she kept her spare keys and he knew the key code and he had a knife-"

"Steven?" Patrick practically yells and his breathing is coming fast while Pete is holding him up. By now he has woken Andy completely and Joe is peaking out. "Fuck, oh my god.  _Oh my god,_ " He clenches his eyes closed and pulls at his hair. He had a knife. He had a fucking knife. The worse case scenarios run through his mind and it only makes the panic that is already rising in his chest, start to boil. "Is she alive?"He asks desperately, his voice hitching, not sure if he wants to know the answer. Pete is looking at him with scared, confused eyes and he looks as if he is about to start crying too. 

"Yes. They took her into the hospital. Listen, man, I’m here, I’m gonna let you go so I can-"

“ _Don’t fucking hang up_ ,” Patrick snaps and Pete is leading him off the bus and helping him get to the rental car. He grips the hand bar above his head just because he needs to hold onto something. She’s in Chicago. And he’s in another fucking country. 

"I have to-"

"Jay don’t you fucking hang up. Keep me on the line, if you hang up on me I swear to-"

"Ok," Jay defends and Patrick hears the sound of automatic doors and beeping on Jay’s end. He closes his eyes and tries to listen while Pete drives him to the nearest airport. He listens to Jay talk to the nurses and inquire about her and all Patrick can do is lean his head on the cool passenger window and let the tears leak over. 

"It’ll be ok, man," Pete says softly and Patrick all but breaks down in his seat. 


	12. You're Safe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long!

**.Patrick.**

The plane ride was the longest 8 hours of Patrick’s life. He tried to sleep, but found it impossible. Pete came with him and the tour has been put on hold until further notice. Joe and Andy would make the arrangements before returning to the US.

Steven had strangled her, but didn’t leave any permanent damage. The thought of his hands sliding around her throat and trying to rid her of life made Patrick want to scream with rage. He wasn’t there for her when he should have been. He was over seas instead.

According to Jay, she hasn’t woken up yet and it was probably due to emotional trauma, considering no head trauma. She’s been in recovery for the last 5 hours.

The hospital is cold and Patrick wishes he would have never had to see the inside of one again, but alas, here he was.

He swallows, hitching his backpack higher on his shoulder and approaches the information desk with Pete. He’s vibrating with anxiety and he wants to scream.  

“I’m looking for Brindley Reed,” Pete says and the nurse nods, typing some things in her computer. His head is foggy, his eyes hurt. He just needs to see her. Hold her. Know she’s ok. Pete’s hand claps him on the back and gives me a light jostle. Patrick blinks and nods to let him know he’s fine.

“She’s in recovery, room 511. Just take the elevator to the fifth floor and follow the signs,” The nurse tells him and he nods a thanks, turning to the elevators. When one of them opens, he sees Jay.

“Hey,” He says, surprised a little. He looks tired, too.

“How is she?” Patrick asks, a little a frantic and feeling a sting behind his eyes. Why was Jay not with her?

“She’s fine. Still unconscious. I was just going to run home and grab some things,” He explains and Patrick nods, stepping through the doors before they closed.

“Thank you, Jay,” Patrick says and the other man nods, heading for the exit as the doors closed.

“You okay?” Pete asks in the silence and Patrick ponders for a moment. He really isn’t. He’s holding everything in at the moment and trying his hardest not to freak out, but he needed to be strong. The last thing Brin needed when she finally woke up was him having a nervous breakdown over her body.

“Yeah,” He says, not entirely convincing, but Pete takes it.

The fifth floor is quiet. Full of patients sleeping off their anesthesia . It smelled too clean and Patrick takes his hat off as they near the 6th door on the left. Pete’s hand reaches out to take it.

“I’ll stay in the lobby for a while. Let me know if you need me?” He asks and Patrick almost slips as his eyes get glassy and Pete pulls him in for a hug. “It’s ok, dude. She just needs you right now, okay? Just relax,” His best friend tells him in a whisper and he nods, eyes closed. He watches Pete disappear down the hall before turning to the room.  

She’s unconscious and pale. Her face is blank and rigid and Patrick swallows. He takes hesitant steps to the chair on her right side, pulling it up close to the bed. He notices the faint marks on her neck and throat. The bruises on her arms and the bandage covering her palm.

“Jesus,” He chokes, covering his mouth and turning away, wiping at the tears that he can’t keep back. He should have been there. He keeps thinking that same thing over and over but it’s true. He wasn’t there. This wouldn’t have happened with him there. This wouldn’t have happened if he would have insisted her move into the new place earlier. If she would have just listened.

He takes a few breaths, facing the window. He needs to real it in or else he will lose is. He needs to be strong right now. For both of them. They’ve had too much to go through already. This is it. This is the last time. No more tragedies.

Patrick turns back to the bed and takes a seat beside her bedside. He takes her good hand and sighs, content in the fact that she’s whole and she’s here and he’s able to touch her and know it for sure.

**.Brindley.**

Death is a common worst fear among us. It’s scary. It’s nothing. It’s fear of not knowing what comes after. It’s the fear that there isn’t anything that comes after. It’s the fear of no life.

When I open my eyes, I hope this isn’t death. It’s too bright. It’s too suffocating. No. If this is death, this would be hell.

I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out and instead, I try to move a little, take in my surroundings. My mind feels fuzzy and I’m confused. There’s beeping in my ears and my breathing is tight and painful. My hand aches from where the glass broke skin and I can feel the stitches under the gauze. There’s stinging in my forearm and I look down to see an IV straining against my skin from my movements.

“Damn,” I croak and relax my muscles so it doesn’t sting anymore. I hate needles. The thought of it in my arm makes me gag a little.

When the memory of what happened snaps back at me, I gag more.

I turn away from the IV and find Patrick passed out in a small chair on my right side. His eyebrows are furrowed even in his unconscious.

“Patrick,” I croak, poking his hand that is resting near mine. He doesn’t move and I lace my fingers with his and squeeze a few times until he blinks awake.

“Babe,” He croaks, sitting up suddenly. He stands and reaches for me, moving the hair from my face and framing my cheeks with his hands.

“I’m okay,” I whisper to him and he nods, closing his eyes.

“Yeah,” He says brokenly, kissing my forehead. We stay silent for a minute and I watch a range of emotions play over his pale face.

“How long you been here?” I ask, wanting to distract his mind a little. I can see how red his eyes are.

“We got in a few hours ago,” I hear Pete from the door and I look at him, startled.

“I’m sorry, you guys shouldn’t have-“

“Oh shut up, Reed,” He sighs, coming forward and hugging me carefully. I nod, blinking away the tears and Patrick squeezes my hand.

“Um,” I start, unsure how to ask. Flashes of blood coat my mind and I clear my sore throat. “Steven, he uh…?” I ask and Pete nods. I nod, my face breaking a little and tears brimming.

“Okay,” I say in a small voice and untangle my good hand from Patrick’s so I can cover my eyes. I bite my lip a little to hard. I killed someone. I ended a life.

“Brin,” Patrick whispers, coming closer and I shake my head.

“I had to do it or else he would have killed me,” I say a little hysterically and I blink up at the ceiling to try and control my emotions. “I had to,” I whisper and Patrick decides to climb on the bed with me and pull me into his arms. This is my undoing and I end up clutching his shirt and burying my broken face in his chest. I cry then, allowing the tears to soak his front and my fingers are gripping, the stitches in palm straining and stinging. My whole body is tense and I sob. Eventually I hear Pete leave and I continue to cry.

“I’m here, baby. I have you. It’s okay. You’re safe,” He whispers into my hair and I nod in my mess of snot and tears, allowing him to hold me.

**~*~**

I’m able to leave later the following morning. They just need me to be careful with my stitches because I had already broke them once. We go straight to the new townhouse, my old apartment now a crime scene. I want it this way anyway. I don’t want anything in there.

“When are you going back on tour?” I ask softly as Patrick helps me up the steps to the door.

“I’m not,” He says simply and I turn to look at him, a little shocked.

“You have to,” I say, confused.

“I don’t. I’m here for you. There will be more tours. Not right now,” He states, final. He drops the bags near the door and sighs, rubbing his face. I nod walking into the bright entry hall of the house. This will be the first time he’s seen it.

“Well, this is it,” I sigh, lifting my hand in a terribly sad Vanna White Jeopardy motion. He smiles a little at that and sighs, stepping up to me and pressing his lips to mine for the first time since he’s been back. I lift my hands to tangle in his hair and he laughs softly, pulling away. He takes my bandaged hand and presses a kiss to it.

“You need to be carful,” He chides, lifting his brows and nodding for me to lead him through the house.

“I’m going to order some food and you are going to shower. You smell,” He tells me, patting my butt towards the stairs and I roll my eyes.

“Pizza?” I ask hopefully and he nods, shrugging out of his coat. I step up to him one last time, kissing him softly, framing his face in my hands.

“Thank you for being here,” I tell him, resting my forehead to his and he closes his eyes, nodding.

I leave him, climbing the stairs to the second floor and find our bedroom. All the furniture is here, just covered in plastic, mostly. I dig some towels out of a box and enter the bathroom. I turn on the shower at the hottest temperature it will go and I strip. Before entering, I cover my hand with a waterproof bandage.

I cringe at the sting of the heat, but sigh as I get used to it. I enjoy it. It makes me feel.

I lather up my hair with the shampoo I have in the shower and scrub. It’s thick and heavy. I scratch my scalp. As I am rinsing it, I feel some matting at the end, a portion of it feeling sticky and thick. I wipe my eyes, looking down as the knot.

It’s matted with dark blood.

My breath catches and I hold a hand to the tiled wall, controlling my breathing. I choke a little, seeing Steven’s dead eyes in everything. I clutch at the piece of hair and stumble out of the shower, naked as the day I was born. I jerk open drawers and cabinets, searching for a pair of scissors. My breathing is labored and hard, as if his hands are still wrapped around my throat.

“Fuck,” I cry softly, finally finding a pair. I wipe the steam from the mirror and without blinking, I grip my hair in one hand and cut it clean at the base of my neck. At least 9 inches of sopping, matted, red hair fall the white floor and I drop the scissors, getting a little more control over my breathing. I stare at myself in the mirror, watching the way my chest heaves and it somehow calms me.

“I’m safe,” I whisper to myself.


End file.
